Corazon 6: With You

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That was him.

At first, Caleb wasn’t so sure. It was badly lit in the bar, and it was easy to mistake just about anyone for just about anyone else. It was his eyes. Caleb was very sure he was looking at Ezio once he saw his eyes. He didn’t answer to his name, but that hardly meant anything. Maybe he’d changed his name, maybe he was deliberately ignoring Caleb calling him, he didn’t know.

He should be upset because Ezio ran off like that. On the contrary, Caleb hadn’t been so elated since… he couldn’t recall how long it’d been and it didn’t matter. This all felt so surreal. It was like a dream that he’d wake up from any moment now, but he wasn’t asleep.

He ran up the stairs, skipping the elevator because he didn’t think he could hold still long enough to ride it. Caleb immediately shoved the apartment door open and started calling for Lilith.

“Lilith!” The neighbours would complain later, but Caleb couldn’t be bothered to care. “Where are you?”

Even as he asked, Caleb was shooting down the hallway towards her room. He hadn’t stopped to see if he could sense her he was so excited.

“Right here,” she answered, her door opening as she stepped out into the hallway. “What’s wr-AHH!”

Caleb couldn’t slow down fast enough to prevent crashing into her. Instead, he took hold of her shoulders and spun her around into a stop with him.

“Are you okay?” Lilith asked as they stopped. “You’re smiling.”

What? That was a valid question given Caleb didn’t tend to smile anymore, but it was strange having that be the criteria. Things changed, though. For once, it felt like the clouds had moved and now he could see the sun.

“I found him!” Caleb said, almost breathless with excitement he could barely contain. “Lilith, I finally found him! I was right! He is alive!”

“Who is?” Lilith asked. “What? Who’d you find?”

“Ezio!” Caleb answered, sounding a little frustrated. Who else would he be talking about? He was almost always talking about Ezio.

“Oh,” Lilith said. She sounded uncertain whether that was a good thing or not.

If Caleb noticed her tone, he didn’t show it, squealing under his breath, spinning around, and shooting back down the hallway. “I can’t believe it!” Caleb was practically dancing around the couch.

Lilith followed much slower, running a hand through her hair. “Where’s he been all this time?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” he answered, falling into one of their chairs.

“You didn’t ask?” Lilith asked, resting a hand on her hip.

Caleb shook his head. “We didn’t talk,” he said. “I only saw him across the bar at work.”

“Then how do you know that was him?” Lilith asked, an eyebrow raising.

Caleb shrugged, looking up at the wall. There were a number of sketches on that wall, most of them dreams Caleb had once or twice, on the rare occasion he slept. Half of them had Ezio in them, or something related to Ezio. Several had hawks or similar birds.

He was used to Lilith questioning his intuition. She had intuition of her own, but she tended to distrust hers (and incidentally, his).

“I just know,” Caleb said. “I could feel it. I saw it in his eyes.” He knew in the way he didn’t have to think of the words. He and Ezio always did have that kind of bond anyway. Caleb just had a feeling and he always stood by his feelings.

The last time he’d had this particular feeling, however, he’d run into Markus Crow, so maybe the skepticism on her face right now was sensible. She looked like she wanted to argue with him, but whatever it was that went through her head stayed there.

“I see,” she said. “What now then? You do have a plan, right?”

Not really. Caleb hadn’t thought that far. In the moment, he’d been too dumbstruck by, firstly, how he was quite sure he was looking at Ezio, and secondly, how gorgeous he still was. Of course he was. Ezio always had been, and Caleb always figured that was why Jean liked him.

Caleb hadn’t been around Ezio in so long, he’d simply forgotten how heart-stopping he was. Morgyn was good-looking enough, sure, but Caleb would always find Ezio more compellingly so. Besides, Morgyn wasn’t on Caleb’s good side.

Did that even make any sense? Maybe it was a good thing Lilith didn’t tend to read his mind.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead,” Caleb admitted. “Do I need to?”

“If you’re going to talk to him anytime this century, it might be a good idea,” Lilith answered. “I know you’re excited about this, but it’s not quite so simple as just finding him. Since you didn’t talk, I assume you don’t know anything useful, like where he lives, or his phone number.”

He didn’t think of that of course, but he’d only gotten a glimpse of Ezio anyway. Caleb could be getting carried away. He often did, particularly about things he cared about. Given Ezio ran from him, it was entirely possible that Ezio didn’t remember him, or didn’t wish to speak to him.

How could he, anyway? Caleb, Celio, the memories they shared were bittersweet ones. The only vaguely good memories from that time full of terrible ones. Why wouldn’t Ezio want to forget him? Caleb wanted to forget Celio too. He’d practically spent the last 200 years trying to forget who he used to be, to outrun that person.

Reinventing oneself wasn’t so easy as everyone made it sound.

“I don’t even know if he still goes by Ezio, if he remembers me,” Caleb said. Then, he snorted softly, and looked over at Lilith. “But you know, even if he doesn’t remember me, we never talk, if I’m stuck watching from the sidelines and wondering what things could’ve been like if we could talk things out and make new memories, I’m okay now. I’m okay with how things turned out.”

Lilith looked confused, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms. “I can’t imagine you would be,” she said.

Caleb smiled a little brighter. “He’s alive,” he said. “What we lived through, what he lived through, it wasn’t for nothing, Lil. He made it.”

~*~

“What does the snow become when it melts?” Ezio asked.

Celio smiled slightly, raising an eyebrow as he glanced over at him. In the dead of winter in Mortain, you’d think Ezio would’ve thought to wear something warmer and thicker than what he was in. It looked like one of the silk nightgowns Jean liked him in. It shimmered in the light when he moved.

There were at least two feet of snow on the ground. Ezio had cheerily shoved a bunch of it off the benches by the rose bushes, sat down, and smiled at the deadened state of the gardens.

Even when there was nothing there to see, Ezio still seemed to love sitting here and watching. Sometimes, there’d be birds that came by, passing through on their way to some other thing, but their presences seemed to be enough to make Ezio’s eyes light up.

Jean would be gone for the next few days, out on an important trip, and rather dangerous of one at that if Celio recalled. Ezio seemed intent to celebrate by catching a cold and frostbite.

“Water?” Celio answered, though it was toned as a question. Ezio had strange answers for most things. “Are you sure you’re not cold?”

Ezio laughed, a bright, light sound that filled the air. His breath hung as a small puff of vapour for a moment before vanishing. “I’m never cold,” Ezio said, falling over onto the bench and looking up at the cloudy sky. “I am the cold.”

Celio was quite certain that wasn’t how that worked, but he hadn’t the heart to argue with him, either. Instead, Celio moved over to kneel down beside the bench, watching Ezio watch the clouds. The light sparkled in the grey of his eyes. Call him a sap, but Celio loved his eyes.

He’d always wanted more than just being Ezio’s friend. He was afraid to ask for more and lose what he already had. There were a few times when one thing or another led to something else… neither of them talked about it. Maybe Ezio was just as afraid of messing up their friendship as he was. Celio was too afraid to ask.

“I’m wearing three jackets,” Celio said, smiling. “If you want one, you can borrow one.” He’d rather be down a jacket or two than have Ezio freeze to death out here.

But, as he always did, Ezio smiled and shook his head. Then, he sat up. “I’m fine,” he said. “And you were wrong. Snow doesn’t become water when it melts.”

Celio tilted his head. “Is that so?” he asked.

“Yup,” Ezio said, nodding and falling back down onto the bench. “It becomes life.”

Celio wasn’t expecting that answer, but in thinking of it he didn’t know why not. That was such an optimistic and idealistic way of thinking of it. And so very like Ezio, too.

Something hit the floor. Caleb jerked off the desk and nearly fell out of his chair, arms swinging wildly to regain his balance. It was a dream. When was the last time he’d fallen asleep, anyway? Caleb couldn’t recall off the top of his head.

As he moved his chair back into place at his desk, he caught sight of the journals and sketchbooks he’d strewn about its surface. He used to keep both consistently, but as time progressed the frequency of entries and sketches slowed to a trickle, and then stopped. Most notable among the many things he spent time on were the many sketches of Ezio.

Some of these journals dated back to the 17 and 1800s, when the memories of Ezio were still fresh in his mind. He wasn’t like the other commoners. There was a strange pride and refinement he carried himself with. He may not have been able to read, but he didn’t carry himself like someone that couldn’t.

Caleb always figured that was what his uncle liked in Ezio. It was the same thing Caleb himself did. The same thing most anyone that knew him did.

There was a very progressive degradation in Caleb’s memory of what Ezio looked like. Then, suddenly he seemed to remember. That was likely around when Lilith started dating Morgyn.

Morgyn tried to be nice to him of course. Caleb was the brother, and Lilith was awfully protective of him. If Morgyn wanted to remain in her good graces, it stood to reason the blond should want to be on friendly terms with him.

Too bad Caleb didn’t like Morgyn. Lilith was free to like whomever it was she liked, and Caleb wouldn’t go starting trouble, but Caleb did not like Morgyn, and likely never would.

Morgyn had no idea what Ezio had given up so that the blond didn’t have to. Morgyn also had no idea how lucky the sage was that Ezio lived. Without him, Morgyn would be nothing, and Caleb was always upset Morgyn continually acted like everything was fine. And yet, he was aware if Morgyn didn’t, and spent too long moaning about it, that’d piss him off too.

No one said emotions made sense.

Lilith could be right, he thought, arranging the sketches in chronological order. Ezio may not want to talk to him, or to remember Mortain. Caleb couldn’t rightly blame him for it, and he tried not to think about Mortain too much either.

Then, he wondered how reuniting would affect him. It’d been a long time since Caleb had been exposed to the memories of then, and he wondered if it’d adversely affect him, too. Caleb wanted to think that being friends with Ezio at the very least would be more important than running from ghosts that had long been buried. But who knew? Maybe Caleb only thought they were buried. Maybe being around Ezio would dredge up feelings and memories they both wanted to forget. And maybe he’d dredge them up if it meant he never had to lose Ezio again.

Caleb loosed a sigh, falling back into his seat and studying the sketch in his hand. It was one of the last ones he’d ever done, technically perfect and completely wrong. None of the spark that lived in Ezio’s eyes was there. Caleb had forgotten how to capture it.

He’d should’ve gone after him, but he couldn’t afford to lose his job. And now he may never see him again. He said he was okay with that to Lilith but was he really? They’d been so close once, and Caleb had never managed to be that close to someone ever since. He wondered if Ezio had. If he’d met someone else one day and gotten close to them instead.

How would Caleb feel, if he had? He didn’t know. It probably didn’t matter how he felt anyway. Caleb would’ve been no different than Jean if he tried to tell Ezio how to live his life, and who to become attached to or not.

Ezio was a vampire, too. He recognised the feeling of thought suggestion. Caleb didn’t know how he felt about that. He could only hope, somewhere in there was his Ezio.

~*~

The cool air was refreshing after leaving the bar. This bar wasn’t one of the seedier places in town, but it was still a bar and had a notable bar scent to it. Notably, sweat, booze, and cigarette smoke for the most part. Caleb didn’t dislike his job but it wasn’t his first choice. Not that he had a clue what his first choice was.

Caleb paused outside the door to stretch out, then turned and headed towards home. His walk back to the apartment, now that they were closer to his workplace, wasn’t as bad as it’d been when they still lived in Forgotten Hollow. He’d never tell Lilith that but the move to San Myshuno was starting to grow on him. Even if only because now he didn’t have to walk so far to get home.

“Have a good night, Caleb,” one of his coworkers called.

“You too,” Caleb answered. A quiet smile crossed his face. He didn’t hate working here, but maybe his boss and Lilith were right and he needed to find something else to do with his life. Like what? He had no idea. Lilith the Unfeeling had a better idea of what to do with herself than he did. That was either a miracle, or sort of sad. Come to think of it, it was probably a bit of column A and a bit of column B.

For a while, the sounds of Caleb’s coworkers shouting their good nights and well wishes to one another were all he could hear. It died off as Caleb made it further away from the bar, and then it was just him, the sounds of the night, and the traffic and occasional siren.

As he walked, however, he picked up the sense of someone else. It was a notable feeling as he realised after a moment he was sensing a vampire. It wasn’t a familiar vampire either. Caleb slowed his pace, trying to find the source of the feeling or even merely a direction it was coming from. Then came the feeling of spellcaster and he knew where that was from.

Caleb changed directions and headed towards the sensation. Lilith would understand if he was late. It led him further than he expected it to but then he turned a corner, and there he was. Caleb stood at the entry of an alleyway, watching as Ezio drank his fill and then dropped his prey onto the asphalt. Raven almost-curls obscured his face. He loosed a pleased huff, and then looked over at Caleb. His eyes glowed softly.

Caleb tried to ignore the sudden rush of excitement that gave him. Instead, he breathed out, and took a step forward. He was afraid to move any closer, not for fear of Ezio, but for fear of losing him. “Ezio?” he asked softly. Caleb didn’t know why he’d run the last time, but he didn’t want him to shoot off again.

Ezio simply watched him for a moment, and then took a step back.

“Ezio please-“

Ezio’s energy shifted, and he morphed into a bat. No! Caleb was not letting him get away this time! A shift of his own energy, and Caleb turned into a bat too, darting down the alleyway after Ezio and slamming straight into him.

The two bats fell from the air, crashed into the side of a building, and rolled across the concrete. They struggled for a moment, but then one shifted back and the other did too. It hardly mattered which one shifted when. Ezio scrambled to get loose of him, but Caleb desperately held onto him. Eventually, Ezio hit the concrete beneath Caleb and froze.

Immediately, Caleb moved his weight, keeping most of it off of Ezio. Ezio didn’t take being trapped very well, and of course he didn’t. He remembered. Caleb struggled to catch his breath, watching Ezio. Ezio panted like an overworked racehorse and stared back up at him.

Caleb couldn’t believe this was real. Ezio was really here, this was him, he was right. After so long of looking and wishing, here he was. Caleb had finally found him. Or maybe Ezio had found him.

Ezio’s breathing started to slow but his gaze never stayed in one place. Caleb started to say something, to try and find his words, but Ezio slipped out from under him and stood.

“No wait,” Caleb said, turning and taking Ezio’s hand. “Please, Ezio stay. Please. Stay with me.”

Ezio stopped, looking down at Caleb. The glow to his eyes had died off for the most part, but they almost seemed to glow still from the streetlights behind him. Caleb stood up, slowly, not letting Ezio’s hand go. Some part of Caleb that he hadn’t realised was tense had begun to relax.

“I shouldn’t,” Ezio said softly.

“Why not?” Caleb asked.

“It’s been two hundred years,” Ezio said as he shook his head. “I’m not the same. You’re not the same. I don’t think you’ll like the person I became and I can’t make excuses for it.”

Caleb fell silent. Ezio wasn’t wrong he supposed. He felt very different about it. “I think I’ll like you just fine,” Caleb said quietly, moving around to stand in front of him. “And even if I don’t, I think I should be allowed to decide how I feel on my own.”

Ezio closed his eyes. They’d cast down at the concrete beneath them when he opened them again, a soft breath releasing.

Caleb smirked. He remembered that from back then. That was what Ezio did when he’d been backed into a logic corner and couldn’t find a way of arguing.

Even now, hundreds of years later, Caleb still loved him, in all the little ways.

“Does that kill?” Caleb asked, nodding at the heap of human passed out down the alley.

Ezio glanced back there, then shook his head. “He’ll just have a headache for a few days.”

“You do what you have to in order to survive, you know,” Caleb said. “I can’t hate you for that. I did it too. And maybe I can’t hate you at all.”

“Celio-“

“Caleb,” he interrupted. “My name is Caleb now.”

Ezio smiled slightly, idly reaching up to sweep his hair behind his ear. “Caleb then,” he said. “I just… I don’t…” He seemed to give up on trying to find the words, and loosed a huff instead.

Caleb laughed quietly under his breath. “I know the feeling,” he said. He knew it all too well.

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