Chapter 14: Like There Was Something I Missed
My Dsmbr. Mickey P., Linkin Park, Kelli Ali
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It was difficult to find death flowers. They were very rarely available in the potion ingredients shop, and Ezio didn’t know anywhere that they grew. To find one, he’d have to rely on his death magic, and for the most part, Ezio never bothered with it. He barely knew how to use it, because Ezio simply wasn’t that kind of person. All the same, he supposed he was given his death magic for a reason. Ezio was a necromancer, whether he liked it or not, and maybe it was about time he started figuring out how to come to terms with that reality.
Truthfully, Ezio didn’t know how.
As it was, he was grinding up the herbs that he did know how to find. Drake was helping. Unfortunately, Ezio was still recovering from his last episode, and he wasn’t in much shape to be standing and doing manual labour, no matter how light, for any period of time. It meant he had to take breaks rather frequently, or risk collapsing. He couldn’t afford a collapse right now. Morgyn was running on borrowed time, and perhaps Drake could finish this potion, but Ezio had promised that he’d fix this.
For a moment, he got distracted watching Drake. Pay attention to how Drake looks at you, huh? Actually, Ezio much preferred not paying attention to it. He didn’t know if he was afraid of finding that Drake didn’t like him as much as he seemed like he did, or if he was afraid of learning that he did like him as much as he seemed to. Drake didn’t notice Ezio watching him, so he let his gaze linger a little longer.
And then, for just a split second, Drake was someone else. A woman, darker skinned, round, dark brown eyes that seemed to see into you, long black hair cascading over her shoulders like a dark waterfall. She turned and looked at him, a soft smile crossing her face, something mischievous sparkling in those dark eyes, the brim of her hat obscuring one eye. For that split second, as his eyes met hers, he forgot how to breathe, and then she was gone, and Drake was stirring the cauldron.
He blinked a few times, looked back down at the herbs he was grinding up. He quickly went back to grinding, and though he could see, through his eyelashes, Drake looking at him in curiosity, Ezio didn’t look up. Morgyn wasn’t getting resurrected by Ezio’s daydreaming. After a moment, Ezio moved over, and dropped the ground herbs into the cauldron.
Just like it had every time thus far, the cauldron flashed, and exploded. Drake grabbed Ezio and pulled him down, shielding him from the explosion with himself. As the explosion’s after-effects faded, Ezio groaned and dropped his head onto Drake’s shoulder. Now he had to go find more flowers.
“Maybe you should take a break,” Drake suggested softly.
Ezio shook his head. “I can’t,” he said.
“Come on, Ezio,” Drake said. “This is the eighth one you’ve blown up. You might be blowing them up because you can’t focus.”
“Don’t worry,” Morgyn’s ghost said, off to the side lying on the balcony, right next to the blond’s body, currently preserved in ice crystals. “I’ll still be dead when you get back from break, anyway”
Ezio gave Morgyn a look. No one could see or hear Morgyn except him, and it was almost enough to drive him a little bonkers. Eventually, Morgyn would be alive again, he knew that. He just had to have a little faith, in himself, in the magic. That was hard to do, right now, when he wanted nothing more than to march upstairs, hide under the bed, and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. He knew it was stupid.
The raven-haired man breathed out, leaving his head against Drake’s shoulder where it’d landed. “I guess,” he said.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Drake asked. “Obviously you’re a bit upset.”
Ezio snorted. “No,” he said. “I don’t want to talk, I want to get this potion made. Preferably before I lose the ability to put Morgyn’s soul back and restore the body.”
Drake was quiet for a moment. “Is Morgyn here?” he asked.
Ezio didn’t answer with words, instead glancing at Morgyn, down there at the base of the ice crystals. “In a manner of speaking,” Ezio said.
“Is that normal?” Drake asked.
“Considering how Morgyn died, I’m going with, yes,” Ezio said. “And if I fail to restore Morgyn, I’ll have made a hefna.”
“A hefna?” Drake asked.
“Spirits that died in violent ways, that return to earth to set things right, or simply to seek revenge,” Ezio explained. “Most likely, if I can’t fix this and Morgyn’s astral chain severs, I’ll die too.”
Drake frowned. “Why you?”
“I killed Morgyn,” he said.
“The vampire with the potion killed Morgyn,” Drake argued.
“I know that,” Ezio said. “Morgyn even knows that. But hefnir don’t necessarily follow reason to speak of. It’s alright, anyway. I don’t want to live in a world Morgyn’s not in.”
“Now you see how I feel,” Morgyn grumbled from below the crystals.
Ezio sighed, letting Drake go and standing up. He fully intended to ignore that. “I guess I’ll lay down for a little bit. Morgyn’s chain isn’t severed yet, so I guess I still have time. It just feels like a waste.”
“Being able to think straight is a good idea, Ezio,” Drake said, standing as well. “And I know this is important to you, I just don’t want you to end up killing yourself while trying to fix this. I don’t think I can make this potion.”
Ezio snorted softly. Drake always said he couldn’t do whatever magic thing, but he was a decent spellcaster. The problem was that he hung around the Sage of Untamed Magic and that Sage’s necromancer brother. “I think you’d be better at making this potion than you think,” Ezio said. “But I’ll try not to kill myself doing this. For you.” There were a lot of things Ezio could do for Drake that he couldn’t even manage for himself. That was, sadly, one of them.
“God, get a room, you two,” Morgyn grumbled.
Ezio shot the blond a glare, and then turned back to Drake. “I have to go find more death flowers, anyway,” he said. “That could take days.” As it was, Morgyn had already been dead for two days. That was a little bit too long for Ezio to be happy with, but no one was asking him to be happy, anyway.
“Okay,” Drake said quietly. “… Is there something else bothering you?”
Ezio looked away. “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’ll be back later.”
Drake looked concerned, but didn’t stop Ezio as he went around the vampire, and to his room. Morgyn was just as curious about it. Ezio was usually not this stiff. Granted, sure, Morgyn was dead, but he looked like something else was on his mind.
Morgyn scooted around Drake, too, and followed Ezio.
There was another death flower this way, somewhere. Ezio still wasn’t good enough at relying on his death magic to be able to find them so easily as perhaps some could, but between his death magic and Morgyn being dead, they eventually found death flowers. He liked to think it took less time than it should, but he wasn’t sure how long this took for people that were neither dead nor a necromancer. He supposed he would never know.
As it was, the flower led into Granite Falls. On the other side of Granite Falls, and Glimmerbrook, was Forgotten Hollow, where Lilith and Caleb lived, the only known place that got anywhere close to being “home” for vampires. Ezio had never been there, before, but Morgyn had followed Caleb over there once or twice. Ezio couldn’t remember now, and he supposed it didn’t matter. Ezio was trying not to end up moving towards Forgotten Hollow. The last thing he needed was to end up wasting more time because he got into a fight with a vampire.
Not that he’d be too upset about getting the chance to beat the shit out of the punk that’d killed Morgyn, but that was perhaps beside the point.
“You know, you’re being awfully quiet,” Morgyn said, pausing long enough to squint and re-sense the flower they were after. Death flowers gave off a particular, pungent and notable scent, but only if you were dead, or could sense death energy. It was weaker for Ezio than Morgyn, so Ezio mostly trusted Morgyn’s sense of direction. “And I know you’re busy trying to resurrect me, which, interesting solution by the way, but you seem quieter than you should be.”
“Not sure what you mean,” Ezio answered. “… Are you sure we’re going the right way?”
“Oh, I’ve never been sure we’re going the right way,” Morgyn answered.
Ezio paused, lips flattening into a line. “That’s great,” Ezio said. “That’s… just great.” Okay, well, so the saying went, if you wanted something done right, you had to do it yourself. For someone that was dead, Morgyn sure was awfully okay with this. Then again, he supposed it wasn’t that tragic for them. Morgyn was already steadily reaching 300 years old. It was a lot less tragic than dying at, say, twenty something.
“Come on, the worst that happens is I kill you,” Morgyn said.
“I’d say I’m not terribly interested in dying, but that’d be a lie,” Ezio answered. He held his hand out, glowing that sickly green colour that death magic often was.
“Yep,” Morgyn said, leaning against a tree – at least, looking like the blond was leaning against the tree, because most likely, if Morgyn tried, the idiot would just fall through it, instead. “It’s kind of alarming, sometimes, to be honest. How little you care about you.”
“It’s hard to care when you’re dying anyway,” Ezio said.
“You know though, funny,” Morgyn said, “you’re not dead yet.”
Ezio paused a moment, to shoot the ghost a very annoyed look. “No, I am not.” Ezio said. The green glow became brighter, and then dimmed, Ezio moving his arm slightly to the side. It flashed again. “That way.” Ezio lowered his hand, the glow dying off, and started walking that way.
Morgyn stood up properly, and floated after him. “So you shouldn’t keep acting like you’re already dead,” Morgyn said.
“Why not?” Ezio asked. “It keeps my head from getting too big with fantastical ideas that are quite frankly impossibly silly. And then I don’t have to deal with the messy fallout of getting ideas and having dreams.”
“Oooh,” Morgyn said. “I see. Your problem is that you’re afraid of being let down. You don’t try for anything because you’re afraid of what’ll happen when you fail.”
“That is not why,” Ezio argued.
“Isn’t it?” Morgyn said. “That’s called disappointment, and everyone experiences it at some point. You can’t just sit down on the stairs and decide you’re fucking done, that’s not how this shit works.”
“And why not?” Ezio snapped. “This is the last bit of my fucking life, not yours, I can fuck it up and waste it if I want to!”
“Because you’re being an idiot and you deserve better than this from yourself!”
“Maybe I don’t want better! Maybe, I want something in my life to be a little peaceful and predictable because god knows you’re not!”
“Oh, don’t you blame this on me!” Morgyn snarled. “Life isn’t peaceful and predictable, Ezio, it’s chaotic and insane and often doesn’t make any fucking sense, and it’s beautiful, and painful, and amazing.”
“Stop it,” Ezio said. “Morgyn just stop it. I don’t want to think about this. I don’t want to end up wanting things.”
“And why not?”
“Because it’s better if I don’t,” Ezio said. “Because sometimes you don’t fucking get what you want.” Ezio slowed to a stop, looking down at the sunlight dappled snow. “Because I don’t want to die wanting to live.”
Morgyn slowed down too, looking at him with curiosity and confusion. “Why?”
“I’ve seen what that does to you,” Ezio said softly. “I’ve seen what kind of monster that makes. You know, it was either very kind, or very cruel, to give the dying guy the ability to see the dead, and understand what kind of bitterness you start to feel when you die and you want to live. I don’t want to become that kind of monster someday. I never did figure out what’s beyond death, but I don’t think it’s supposed to be that.”
“Ezio everyone dies,” Morgyn said. “I mean look, even I just died, okay? You should know better than most, death isn’t always a bad thing.”
“It doesn’t mean I won’t hate it when I do,” Ezio answered.
Morgyn huffed. “And why do you think you’ll hate it? Because you didn’t live. Ezio, the terrible part of death isn’t death itself, it’s when you die as you live. I don’t want you to go where I can’t follow you either, but I don’t want you to throw what you do have away even more. It’s not having a longer life that makes it less painful when it’s over, Ezio, it’s putting more life into what time you have. And… and L was right, maybe you’ll live longer than either of us think. You can’t live afraid to do anything, when you don’t even really know how long you’ll make it, Ezio this is stupid, and you’re smarter than this.”
He knew that, yes. There was even more of a chance he’d make it longer than he expected, now, but he hadn’t told Drake and Morgyn that. He didn’t want to get their hopes up. He didn’t want to get his own hopes up. Because, as much as he hated it, Morgyn was right, and he was afraid of being let down. Of wanting to live and being denied it.
But then, for the Embers, sometimes, all they had to do was want something, and they’d find a way to get it. Ezio didn’t have the courage to believe in that. Maybe he never would.
“It doesn’t matter,” Ezio said.
Morgyn sighed. “Ezio -“
“No,” Ezio interrupted. “It doesn’t matter. And I get why you feel that way about it, but unfortunately for you, you don’t get to decide that what I want with my own life is invalid or not good enough. It’s not up to you to decide that the way I’m living doesn’t work. I like things the way they are. And I don’t need you to tell me that I shouldn’t.”
Morgyn released another sigh. The two stared at each other for a long moment, and then the blond pointed at something. “There’s a death flower,” Morgyn said.
Ezio glanced at it, and then turned back to Morgyn. “I know you’re coming from a place of caring,” Ezio said. “But I’ve made up my mind.”
“Alright, fine,” Morgyn said.
“I might grow these,” Ezio mentioned, shuffling over to the death flower. “I hate coming back out here for these.”
“Maybe that’s not a bad idea,” Morgyn said.
“Look,” Ezio started, pulling the death flower out of the ground, and standing up, turning back to face Morgyn. “I’m not ignoring or invalidating your feelings on this either.”
“Aren’t you, though?” Morgyn asked. “Every time this comes up, you just tell me I’m wrong and then go right back to pretending I never said anything at all. It seems to me like you’re not really thinking about it. And I guess you don’t have to, I just wish you would because I think you’d be a lot happier if you changed some things, that’s all.”
Maybe he would. Ezio didn’t say anything at first, shifting his weight, glancing down at the snow. And then he turned on his heel and walked away. “Some people learn to love their chains.”
Ezio dumped the crushed herbs into the cauldron, and almost on instinct by now (they were on potion attempt number fifteen), Drake held out one arm, expecting to have to grab Ezio and drop to the floor. This time, however, the potion popped softly, and then turned a silvery lavender colour.
He did it.
Rather immediately, Ezio’s eyes lit up, and he reached into the cauldron with a ladle, filling it with the silvery liquid, and then threw it at the ice crystals Morgyn was still suspended in. Morgyn’s ghost vanished, the red crystal pendant around the blond’s neck alighting in the crystal, and then the crystals shattered.
Drake and Ezio ended up hitting the deck anyway, as ice shards flew everywhere, several crashing through the windows.
“Nice,” Ezio said, his hands dropping from his head as he looked up at the glass. “You broke a few windows.”
“I’m fucking cold!” Morgyn exclaimed, shaking the ice out of the blond’s sweater. “God, what’d you do, ice me or something?”
Ezio made a face, standing up and brushing his shirt off. “You’re welcome,” he said. “Next time, I’ll just leave you iced, you’re at least quiet.”
“Oh come on, if I’m dead, I’m not quiet for you…” Morgyn went quiet, thinking for a moment, and then crossed over to Ezio and hugged him. “Thank you. I know that was hard.”
“Fifteen tries,” Ezio said, his arms wrapping around the blond. “That took me so many attempts.”
“I know it,” Morgyn said, letting go and then hugging Drake. “And thank you, too.”
“You’re welcome,” Drake answered, sounding amused.
“So, now that you’re back among the living,” Ezio said, “what happened?”
Morgyn frowned, letting Drake go, and shrugged one shoulder. “I actually don’t know,” the blond answered. “I was going to Glimmerbrook, because I left my Glimmerstone here like an idiot, and had to take the portal home, and this vampire showed up out of nowhere. It didn’t seem to be aggressive, just very confused, said some things that didn’t make any sense, something about someone letting them go if they find… something. And then it got agitated the more I didn’t know what they were talking about, and threw a potion at me. It caused overload, somehow, but it didn’t kill me immediately, and, well you know the rest.”
Ezio looked thoughtful, one finger raising to rest against his chin. “Caleb mentioned Lilith was doing something,” he said. “And that Forgotten Hollow’s stirred up. Maybe there’s something going on over there that’s somehow spilling to us.”
“It could’ve just been a random incident, too,” Morgyn said. “I may have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, little stroke of bad luck.”
“Somehow, I think it’s bigger than a random stroke of bad luck,” Ezio said.
“You don’t think Lilith had something to do with it, do you?” Morgyn asked.
“No,” Ezio answered, his head shaking. “I’m just saying that Forgotten Hollow’s shaken up, and Vladislaus doesn’t tend to share what he knows. This could be a huge mess, and may also be a minor, segregated problem that you happened to accidentally step in. I’m not sure which it’ll be.”
Morgyn sighed. “Our lives needed more complications,” the blond grumbled. “… you know, I never noticed how many things hurt randomly.”
“Yeah, you’ll be in pain for no apparent reason for a few hours as you get used to being in your body again,” Ezio said. “Little every day pains you don’t normally feel.”
“And you didn’t think to warn me about that?” Morgyn asked, arching an eyebrow.
“I was kind of busy, you know, bringing you back to life,” Ezio said.
“Fair I guess,” Morgyn said, snorting.
“In any case, maybe be careful and extra alert if you need to go back to the other world for anything anytime soon,” Ezio said. “Probably for a good long while. Vampires are uh, notably long-lived, after all.”
Morgyn made a face. “No,” the blond said. “I’m not leaving magic realm again anytime soon, I’ll just send Caleb if I need something. Blegh. Not into being ectoplasmic.”
Ezio snorted. “That’s fair.” Ezio would have to be careful, too. On the other hand, he wanted the potion-toting vampire to come after him.
He had a score to settle, after all.
“Strange that it sent you into overload though,” Ezio said. “Considering you weren’t even in charge state to begin with. Then again, it seemed like an artificial overload, less caused by charge state and more designed to cause an overload of magical energy by burning through it. The semantics of it were rather fascinating, and I kind of wish I’d studied it a bit longer. The effect was perplexing and interesting, because the concept of an overload caused by something attacking your magical stores is in and of itself something of a paradox worthy of interest, but I didn’t have the time to try reverse-engineering a potion I’d never seen used before.”
“Wow, you’ve thought about that,” Morgyn said. “It’s probably for the best you didn’t try reverse-engineering it. That probably would’ve taken a long time, and you’d have been distracted by my screaming the entire way.”
“Yeah that’d be a little distracting,” Ezio said. Never mind that, if he took too long to make the pain stop, it was entirely possible that the sensory overload would’ve driven Morgyn insane, literally, and Ezio thought the blond was close enough to being insane as it was. He sighed a little, glancing down. He still hadn’t quite gotten over having to kill Morgyn, even if he knew it was for the best and probably the only choice he’d had. He’d even fixed it, as it happened, and Morgyn was alive now.
“Hey,” Morgyn said, reaching over and patting Ezio’s jaw. “You did the best you could with what you had, and I have to say, you didn’t have a lot to work with.”
Maybe he didn’t, really. He still felt like he could’ve done that better somehow, even knowing that, logically, Morgyn was right, and he didn’t have a lot of options. He still felt like he’d chosen the worst one, and that little squeak Morgyn had made as the blond died, feeling the life slip out, that was probably going to give Ezio nightmares.
There was a reason he hadn’t been sleeping much since then.
“I guess so,” Ezio said. “The important part is that you’re alive now.” Maybe the rest of it could be bothered with later.
“You need rest now,” Morgyn said, reaching over, hands resting on Ezio’s shoulders. “You’ve been fighting with this potion for several days now, and you’ve not been eating or sleeping right. So, now it’s my turn to take care of you, okay?”
Ezio sighed. “If you insist.”
“I do,” Morgyn said. “You spend too much time taking care of anyone but yourself.”
No, it was just Morgyn. Ezio smiled slightly. “I guess,” he said. “I could use a nap anyway.”
“You could,” Morgyn said. “I’ll get used to my body’s random pains, and Drake and I will deal with everything else, okay?”
“Bottle the rest of this,” Ezio said, pointing at the cauldron. “It’ll be nice to have on-hand.”
“That’s true,” Morgyn said. “Okay, shoo, go take your nap.”
“Alright, going,” Ezio grumbled, but he did wander back into the building and to his room without much more fussing.
In the days since then, Ezio had been sleeping almost constantly. Morgyn and Drake had made sure he’d been eating, but it seemed like he woke up long enough to eat, and then went right back to sleep. It wasn’t surprising that he’d tired himself out working too hard on the resurrection potion. The good news was that if anyone had need of a resurrection potion anytime soon, they had about thirty of them. Most likely, Morgyn would sell a few, because the blond didn’t think they’d need quite that many. It wasn’t every day one of them died, after all, they tended to have a habit of staying alive.
Once again, Morgyn opted for a lack of makeup. That was primarily because the blond was feeling too lazy to bother with it today, and no other reason. Still, Ezio seemed a little happier, every time Morgyn seemed to embrace the Morgyn that wasn’t entirely female, and Morgyn felt a little better for it, too, even as the blond also felt more confused. Maybe it wasn’t meant to make sense right away. Maybe there was still something Morgyn was missing.
In the interim, Ezio was still recovering from the last health scare, and then had spent far too long trying to save Morgyn’s dumb ass, not that the blond had worded it that way. Morgyn loosed a sigh, setting the coffee pot to making anti-Morgyn-murder liquid, watching the pot hiss and spit. Not long after Morgyn set to watching the pot, Ezio came into the kitchen.
“Good morning,” Ezio said. His eyes briefly fell to the cross around Morgyn’s neck, but he didn’t say anything about it.
“Good morning,” Morgyn replied. It sounded less enthusiastic than normal, and Morgyn turned to look at him.
Ezio fell heavily into a seat, fidgeting slightly, his arms resting against the edge of the table. Morgyn watched him for a moment, and the more the blond did so, the clearer it seemed that he was upset. Ezio hadn’t taken having to kill Morgyn terribly well. If the roles were reversed, Morgyn didn’t think the blond would’ve taken it any better, truth be told. Given how much they needed and depended on each other (too much so, many would likely say), even in knowing that it was meant to be a temporary condition, it was still no easy task.
In fact, Morgyn didn’t think the blond could kill Ezio, even if it was to save him. The blond didn’t know if that said more about Morgyn, or about Ezio, and whether it said anything good or not, either.
Instead of saying anything right away, Morgyn’s head tilted, and then the blond went over and sat down next to Ezio. Morgyn’s head dropped onto Ezio’s shoulder, gently. Neither said anything, though Ezio eventually moved and set his head against Morgyn’s and loosed a sigh.
“I love you,” Morgyn said quietly.
Ezio didn’t answer, and that struck Morgyn as kind of odd. And then the blond caught the sound of a quiet squeak, and Morgyn’s head snapped up. Ezio was crying.
“Oh no,” Morgyn said, reaching out and hugging him properly. “No, Ezio why are you crying, it’s okay.”
What else would Ezio be crying about? Everything, really. Everything was painful, he didn’t know what he was doing half the time. Sometimes he thought he was running from the memories of Jean, but other times he thought maybe he was running from the little boy that’d died in France to save his twin. From the part of him that so desperately hated Morgyn for leaving him behind, even though that was precisely what he’d told the blond to do. From the large part of him that didn’t know how to love someone, even if that someone was himself, because the only love he’d ever known was the painful and broken kind, and the only way he’d ever seen himself was through the fractures of a deranged mind.
“It’s okay,” Morgyn repeated, rocking slightly.
Ezio shook his head. “You were right,” he said. “About Jackson. You’re always right.” Jackson wasn’t the first. He was unlikely to be the last, unless Ezio simply stopped trying and at this point, now that Jackson had brought it to his attention, he was right in that, not everyone had the ability to deal with whatever it was that was wrong with Ezio, with the fact that he was dying even as he lived. Half the time, Ezio couldn’t deal with it anymore, either, and the urge to teleport himself onto a really tall building and fall off was strong just to get it over and done with. And maybe asking someone else to deal with it, without using those words, maybe that was unfair.
“What happened?” Morgyn asked. For once, the blond didn’t sound accusatory, or like Morgyn was glad to hear that the blond was right. Actually, Ezio thought Morgyn sounded a little sad.
If their roles were reversed, he would’ve rather been wrong, too.
“We got into a fight,” he explained quietly. “Jackson hit me. Slammed into the door, split my lip.” Ezio felt Morgyn twitch as the anger spiked. “Drake already threatened to kill him. I think he meant it.”
“I’m quite sure he did,” Morgyn said, tone a little stiff.
“I went looking for him anyway,” Ezio said.
“What?” Morgyn asked. “Ezio, why?”
“Because I wanted him back,” Ezio said. “Because I don’t know who the fuck I even am without someone else telling me. But he went anyway. He said he couldn’t control his anger, and he wouldn’t be able to stop hurting me if he didn’t go. That there’s someone else that’s supposed to love me. He was frustrated because of my condition, Morgyn.”
“Then that’s his own fault,” Morgyn said.
“No,” Ezio said. “I don’t think it is. I think that’s the fairest thing I’ve ever heard, probably the least irritating excuse for leaving any of my lovers has ever given me. And I can’t be angry with him, because sometimes I can’t deal with this, either. You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to just get it over with. What is so wrong with me that no one ever stays?”
Morgyn tisked softly. “Ezio, it’s not you,” the blond said. “It’s them. The problem is everyone that can’t see what a beautiful person you are, on the inside, what a fascinating mind you have. You’re smart, you’re interesting, you’re not bad at conversation, they’ll never find anyone like you.”
Yeah, they’d never find another hindrance as irritating as he was. Ezio didn’t say that, just rested against Morgyn’s shoulder. Oh, how he wished something in his life, some of this pain, would make some sense. It was a silly thing to wish for, he was beginning to think.
“It’s fine,” Ezio said. “I’m done with dating.”
“Ezio, come on,” Morgyn said. “It’s not a reason to give up.”
“I can’t,” Ezio said. “I can’t keep going through the heartache and hurting over some stupid boy or whatever it is this time.”
Morgyn went quiet, watching him for a moment. He could change his mind later, Morgyn knew that, but the blond didn’t want him to give up. Morgyn thought, only through someone loving him right would he understand what love actually was. It was times like these, that Morgyn remembered and truly realised that Ezio was so very broken, even now.
“Sorry,” Ezio said, standing. “I’m just going to go read today.”
Morgyn almost thought to stop him, but wasn’t sure what to say, and he turned around and went up the stairs. Yeah, Morgyn had been right about Jackson.
Morgyn hated it when the blond was right about that kind of thing, and this was why.
It wasn’t like Drake and Morgyn didn’t get along. They talked from time to time, even, without Ezio present. Despite how much Morgyn had hated Drake when they’d first met, things had evened out, and now the vampire might even say that the blond liked him to some extent. At least, insofar as someone could be liked by the Sage of Untamed Magic.
Morgyn was friendlier than most thought the blond might be. It was like Morgyn thrived on social contact with others, and that assumption probably wasn’t far from the truth. But Morgyn very rarely liked someone all the same. It was different from merely getting along. Morgyn was the sort of person that everyone knew, but hardly anyone knew, the sort of person that could spend forever talking someone’s ear off and yet somehow never manage to say anything at all. It was a talent Drake almost envied, but most of the time, only concerned him.
Still, when the blond sat down next to him in the green room, Drake couldn’t help the confused, and slightly startled, glance. If Morgyn noticed it, the blond ignored it, and it was likely for the best.
Drake watched the blond for a moment, and then asked, “Are you okay?”
Morgyn was quiet at first, and then nodded. “Yeah.” The blond’s head tilted to one side. Morgyn still hadn’t looked at Drake directly. Like the blond was afraid to meet his eyes. “Ezio broke apart on me.”
“Did he?” Drake asked.
“Did Jackson really hit him?”
Drake didn’t answer, but the way his muscles tensed and his body weight shifted told Morgyn everything the blond needed to know.
“Do you have any idea why?” Morgyn asked.
“From what I could tell,” Drake said, “he seemed to be annoyed that Ezio told him I can’t fix him dying so easily anymore.”
Morgyn glanced down at the floor. That at least made sense in context with what Ezio had said about it. Ezio hadn’t lied, at least, but it wasn’t like Morgyn expected he had. The blond didn’t know what answers Morgyn was really looking for. Maybe some sense as to why and how someone could love someone else, and still hurt them. Maybe some answers as to why it always seemed to be Ezio that attracted these kinds of toxic problems.
Perhaps, what Morgyn was actually looking for was how to spare Ezio having to deal with them, without turning into a controlling bitch again. In all this time, that was the only solution Morgyn had ever managed to find.
“I hate this,” Morgyn said.
“Yeah,” Drake said. “That makes two of us.”
The two sat in silence, for a long moment, Morgyn watching the flames of the fireplace, and Drake reading something. Eventually, Morgyn took a breath in. “You’re never going to tell me what happened at France, are you?” Morgyn asked.
Drake snorted. “That’s not my story to tell,” he answered. “Ezio needs to be the one to decide to tell you, or you’re never getting told, no.” Drake had no intention of betraying his trust that way, and Drake knew that there was a reason Ezio hadn’t told Morgyn that particular story. In the time since Drake had met and gotten to know Morgyn, he stopped wondering why that was exactly.
There was a very high possibility that knowing that particular story would destroy Morgyn. Drake knew that, at least, now he did. Ezio had known that all along, of course. There were reasons Drake trusted Ezio’s judgement better than his own, when it came to Morgyn. As much as he thought Morgyn might be better off knowing the reality that Ezio dealt with, the particular pitch of the screaming of the demons in Ezio’s head, Drake understood and respected that there were reasons he hadn’t explained. He trusted Ezio to know Morgyn better than Drake did.
“It was worth a try,” Morgyn said with a sigh. The sage was quiet for another moment, and then slid down in the chair. “I need a fifth of vodka. It’s been a long week.”
“Understandable,” Drake said. “Though I don’t think we have vodka here.”
“We absolutely have vodka here, if you know where to look,” Morgyn said. “The only problem is finding someone I trust to drink around. Eh, I trust you, I’ll hang out with you.”
Drake looked at Morgyn through his eyelashes. “You’re not allowed to pick anyone up.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Morgyn asked, arching an eyebrow.
“You know what I mean,” Drake said. “I’m a vampire. I can smell it.”
He could? Oh, dear. Well, that explained some of the strange looks he’d given the blond over the years. Old habits died hard, or something. Morgyn flushed a bit pink at the realisation.
“Have you told Ezio about that, by the way?” Drake asked.
“No,” Morgyn answered, arms crossing. “And I didn’t intend to.”
“He will find out eventually,” Drake said. “And it’s going to break his heart either way. It’d be better if he learnt from you, than he learnt it when someone tried or managed to kill you, or you got sick from it, or pregnant for that matter. Not that having a baby is a bad thing, but you aren’t really in a position to be having one of those.” Rather the opposite, having a baby would put too much strain on the blond, given Morgyn was a Sage now, and free time for a Sage was definitely at a premium.
“I know that,” Morgyn said. “I know all of that, it’s just hard to let go of. I’m not even in it for the money anymore, and I left the brothel a long time ago.”
Drake arched an eyebrow. “You wonder why Ezio hated Aine,” he said pointedly.
“Aine didn’t start that,” Morgyn argued, sounding defensive.
“No, my dear,” Drake answered, “but she didn’t care enough about you and your well-being to find a safer occupation for you, either. And now here you are, addicted to the attention and the way it makes you feel and you can’t walk away from it.”
“I could too,” Morgyn argued.
“Mhm,” Drake said. “And when you’re still a whore in fifty years, I’ll try not to say ‘I told you so,’ but being honest, I think I will likely fail.”
“I didn’t know you were so judgey,” Morgyn said, tone sour.
“No,” Drake said. He sighed quietly, setting his book down. “I just worry about you. I like to think we’ve become decent friends now. I worry about my friends. You might notice I don’t have a lot of them. The ones I do have are precious. I won’t tell Ezio, either. But it’s not safe to do that kind of work, for a lot of reasons. It’s killed better than you, before, and I don’t want you to be on the list of casualties. It’d destroy Ezio, too, and you know it.”
Morgyn sighed, turning away. “I guess so,” Morgyn answered.
“Think about it, Morgyn,” Drake said. “But if you must get drunk, I will keep an eye on you.”
“I probably shouldn’t,” Morgyn said. “I think I’ll just go to sleep. See you tomorrow.”
Drake gave a small smile and a nod, and Morgyn stood up and went to the staircase. Drake had a feeling he’d hurt Morgyn’s feelings. Unfortunately, at times, that was the only way to get through Morgyn’s head.
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