Chapter 60: Burning Out For Me
Infra-Red, Three Days Grace
Previous | Chapter Listing | Next
L was humming something, a song Morgyn remembered her singing many times before. Her fingers deftly separated the tangles from Morgyn’s hair, working a slight coating of coconut oil into the brown waves, and then snipping off the split ends.
Morgyn sat on the floor, leaning against the couch she sat on while she worked. Travis was playing video games again, but he and Simeon were having a complete nerd fit together over there about whatever game it was Travis was playing.
The brunet was doing better, already. The sound of Travis and Simeon talking so animatedly about something they both cared about, L humming, and her detangling Morgyn’s hair, they all added up to the brunet was far more mentally present than had been common before. Morgyn kind of missed Liberty, though. She said she was only going to be gone a few hours, but it felt like she’d been gone all day.
It wasn’t like Morgyn had really been paying attention, and for that matter, Morgyn didn’t necessarily have any right to put any sort of demand on her time, either. They were friends, of course. And most likely, it’d be best if Morgyn left them as friends.
But sometimes, Morgyn wanted a little more than that. The question now, of course, was whether Morgyn really wanted a little more than that, or if Morgyn just wanted the intimacy and the warmth of someone that wasn’t going to hurt the brunet. Because mistaking one of these things for the other could turn out very damaging for them both.
Maybe that was something to discuss with L, when they weren’t in the same room as Simeon and Travis’ Great Genie’s Curse Debate. (Morgyn didn’t understand the draw to video games. But then, Morgyn had never actually played one, either.)
“Your hair’s always so beautiful, Morgyn,” L said softly. “You should take better care of it.”
Morgyn’s green eyes looked up at her, the brunet’s head not turning with the movement.
L got the message. She laughed. “Come on,” she said. “You can’t be lazy with everything except setting fire to your enemies. You do know setting fire to it isn’t the answer all of the time, right?”
Morgyn’s eyebrow raised, and the brunet turned back to watching the television. As Morgyn watched the two nerds working their way through Genie’s Curse, there was a very faint something in the air that the brunet suddenly noticed. It’d just gotten into Morgyn’s sensing range, which, at the moment with the brunet’s magic in a gigantic twist, was very short, but it felt important. And somehow it made Morgyn’s heart hurt to sense it.
Thinking about it a little more, and focusing on it a bit harder, Morgyn realised what it was.
Instantly, Morgyn burst into tears. Simeon and Travis looked over in concern and a bit of confusion. L stopped, looking down at the brunet in confusion, but she drew her hands away and moved to hug Morgyn instead. But the younger sage was already up and rushing to the door. Morgyn crashed into it, pulled it open, and bolted down the porch steps, right into Caleb’s arms.
“I’m sorry,” Caleb said immediately, before Morgyn even touched him, arms wrapping around the brunet. Unlike everyone else, Caleb wasn’t surprised by the brown hair colour at all. “I’m so sorry I left you alone like that.”
Morgyn’s head shook very emphatically, clinging to him even harder.
Liberty, standing next to Caleb, smiled softly. “I told you,” Liberty said under her breath.
Caleb shot her a slightly exasperated look.
Morgyn felt like feeling upset about that may be somewhere in the requirements for this situation, but the brunet couldn’t be bothered to care about that right this second. Morgyn was just so happy to see him, it didn’t even matter where he’d been or why or why it’d taken so long for him to come back.
Morgyn was still frantically crying, and couldn’t see straight, but it didn’t matter. The brunet separated from Caleb just enough to pull his shirt away from his skin a little.
“Wait Morgyn-” Caleb squeaked in protest.
But instead of pulling it off, Morgyn scooted under it, and with enough work, the brunet’s head popped out of the neck hole with Caleb’s and rested on his shoulder, chin draping over his neck.
“Hold me,” Morgyn whispered. “Please.”
Caleb’s eyes narrowed slightly, and he loosed a sigh somewhere between exasperated and sad, but then reached down and hooked his arms behind Morgyn’s knees, pulling the sage up against him.
For a moment, the restriction almost started upsetting Morgyn, but the feel of Caleb’s energy, his scent, it chased it away, and Morgyn simply remembered that this was Caleb. And maybe the stupid didn’t always know how to show it, but, when they were together, Morgyn never did question how Caleb felt.
“Come on,” Liberty said, nodding towards the house. “That looks like it may be a little easier if you can sit down.”
Caleb smiled. “Believe it or not,” he said, “I can probably stand here like this all day.”
“I believe it just fine,” Liberty said. “But it doesn’t make it a good idea.” She turned and headed up the porch stairs.
Caleb snorted, and followed her. “Yeah, I guess it doesn’t.”
The three of them wandered into the house, and Caleb settled down in a seat. His grip on Morgyn loosened a little bit now that he wasn’t almost all that was keeping the brunet from falling.
“Hey L, Simeon,” Caleb said. “You must be Travis, nice to meet you.”
“Well, nice to see you again, Caleb,” L said. “How’s Lilith?”
Caleb shrugged. “She’s stable,” he said. “Got into it with Sarnai, kind of messed herself up a bit, but she’d getting better. I ended up leaving her with some friends of ours. They’re girls, maybe they’ll have better luck deciphering what the cat wants.”
The cat? Morgyn didn’t ask. If Lilith had gotten into a fight with Sarnai, though, but had survived, then it was definitely possible to defeat her.
Morgyn didn’t care right now. Right now, Morgyn just wanted to sit here and enjoy being this close to Caleb. He’d said he needed time and some space, and the only thing Morgyn had learnt from the separation was how much the brunet needed him.
Morgyn just didn’t feel right without him. The brunet was starting to feel right again.
* * *
Morgyn didn’t smell right. Caleb hadn’t asked about it, though it seemed like Liberty had some vague idea as to why.
L and Simeon decided to head to Simeon’s place. L was looking into getting an apartment of her own somewhere, but in the meantime, she’d just be staying with Simeon in Oasis Springs. Caleb was quite sure they’d only told him so that he could tell Morgyn, whenever Morgyn woke up.
L had also congratulated him for quitting some of his hobbies, and suggested taking up yoga instead, and it was then that Caleb remembered exactly how much L tended to know.
It was almost dawn. Liberty had gone to sleep on the other couch, and once Morgyn had fallen asleep against him, Caleb had laid down too, mostly to keep Morgyn’s knees from staying bent too long.
Morgyn didn’t smell right, didn’t feel right, and wasn’t really talking anymore. What the fuck had he missed?
Idly, Caleb raised a hand and pet Morgyn’s hair. Strangely, this kind of reminded him of that night he spent with Ezio, just their roles were a little bit reversed. Caleb tried not to think about Ezio too much. Despite the fact Caleb had fled, he knew that Ezio was right, and while he’d taken a little longer than he should’ve to listen, he had eventually listened.
Mostly because his sister nearly dying and requiring a steady supply of plasma was a lot more important than getting high.
Liberty stirred, and then rolled over, and sat up. One hand rubbed her eyes, and she laid back down. Caleb snorted softly.
“Still tired?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Liberty said. “It’s been a long week.”
Yeah, Caleb could imagine it had been, if this was what Morgyn had been like the entire time. They were quiet for a moment. Caleb broke the silence.
“What happened?” he asked.
Liberty stared up at the ceiling, for a few heartbeats. “That isn’t mine to tell you,” she said. “That’s Morgyn’s.”
Caleb released a sigh, but even as he felt that stab of frustration, he knew she was right. And yet, if he thought about it logically, he could guess. He could guess just fine what happened, because he knew Morgyn well enough to make the jumps.
He didn’t think his heart would ever be ready to accept what his head already knew. And maybe if Morgyn never told him what happened, it wouldn’t ever have to.
“Morgyn should be angrier with me,” Caleb said. “I messed up. I messed up a lot. And I really hurt him.” Caleb would have to be pretty stupid not to know that. But if the paranoia had taught him anything, it was that it really had to stretch and push things to make him turn against Morgyn in the first place.
And if the time apart had taught him anything, it was that it was literally painful to be away from Morgyn for too long, now. Maybe they weren’t Drake and Ezio. Maybe their love would never be the same as their’s. But maybe they had a bond just about as strong, and two different pairs of people didn’t have to love each other in the same way.
Maybe Caleb had spent so long wanting what he didn’t have, that he’d missed what he did.
Liberty released a sigh, still staring up at the ceiling. “It wasn’t hard to figure out,” she said. “I wasn’t surprised Morgyn’s not mad at you in the least. I told you Morgyn needs you. Maybe things aren’t perfect, maybe you two need to talk about things, work some stuff out, I don’t know. But what I do know is Morgyn’s going through one of the hardest times of his life right now I should imagine, and the first person he asked for by name, even if not consciously, was you.”
Caleb breathed out. “I’m just afraid Morgyn can’t forgive me,” he said.
“Of course you are,” Liberty answered. “That’s your anxiety, telling you that you’re not worthy of being forgiven. But you do know, don’t you, that the things in your head, they don’t make Morgyn’s decisions, right?”
Caleb looked over at her, a little startled. How did she manage to make these things sound so easy and simple? She kept doing that, and every time, Caleb got a little more fond of her.
“Everyone makes mistakes, Caleb,” Liberty went on. “That’s just part of being human, and you should really quit holding your humanity against yourself. I assume that humanity is the thing that separates you from the monsters with fangs everyone tells about in stories. It isn’t a problem to make mistakes. It’s a problem not to learn from them.”
“What if I can’t?” Caleb asked. “Sometimes it’s like I make some progress, and then I end up five steps back suddenly, right back to things I know are bad ideas because it’s easier.”
Liberty was quiet a moment, thinking. Then, she took a breath in. “Sometimes, Caleb,” she said, “you have to understand that love isn’t a one-person thing. That, when you love someone, and they love you in return, the decisions you make and the actions you take can and most likely will affect someone that cares for you very deeply. It means that, when there’s a love like the one you and Morgyn have, whatever you do to you, you do to Morgyn.”
Caleb frowned, thinking about that. She was probably right about that, but he wasn’t sure how that helped, exactly. Then again, on second thought, he thought he understood.
“Morgyn loves you,” she said. “You love Morgyn. Just think to yourself, would Morgyn be upset that I did this? And then if the answer is yes, don’t. Treat yourself the same way you treat Morgyn. And maybe ask yourself why it is that you want to do that thing or make that choice. Because maybe the real reason isn’t the thing itself, but something else.”
“I’ve never thought about the whys,” Caleb admitted softly.
“I figured you hadn’t,” Liberty said. “But you can’t find the light if you never acknowledge the darkness.”
That was an interesting way of putting it. They both went quiet for a good while again, both apparently thinking. It wasn’t a tense silence, not really, or at least it didn’t feel that way to him.
Liberty sat up, and then put her feet on the floor. “Summer and Travis have been good sports about all of this,” she said, “but I think we should stop imposing on their hospitality. Take him home today.”
Caleb looked over at her. And something about the way she was looking at Morgyn made a little light bulb go off in his head.
“You love him too, don’t you,” Caleb said, not even really a question because he could see the answer right there in her mismatched eyes.
Liberty stood up, heading down the hallway to the bathroom.
“Liberty,” Caleb called after her.
“I don’t know what I feel,” she said, and then opened the bathroom door and closed it behind her.
* * *
For the most part, Morgyn hadn’t seemed interested in the slightest in letting Caleb go. Caleb didn’t really mind it, but there were a few things to do. Once they got back to Spire, Drake and Cassandra asked about a million questions. Morgyn didn’t answer any of them, because the sage still wasn’t really talking, but once in a while Morgyn managed one or two words.
Drake and Cassandra were working on plans for getting into magic realm. Caleb had spoken to them a little about said plans off and on, while Morgyn was sleeping, but they’d not really committed to anything in particular. None of them wanted to definitively decide on anything until Morgyn had the opportunity to hear the plans and offer thoughts on them.
But one good thing had come of the attack on Lilith at Forgotten Hollow. Sarnai had, probably unintentionally, given them the answer to at least one of their problems. Beyond that one problem, sure, they still had more problems, but these seemed like less notable problems, to be sure.
The sheer frequency with which Morgyn ended up attached to him was somewhat stunning, but Caleb wasn’t going to complain. They were, again, attached to one another, Morgyn resting against Caleb’s chest. Morgyn was at least becoming notably more present every day that the brunet spent all day attached to him.
Whatever it was that made Morgyn feel better, Caleb would go along with. He managed to find time to leave here and there all the same, so it was no matter.
“Morgyn?” Caleb said softly.
Morgyn looked up at him, and the brunet’s head tilted to the side.
As cute as Morgyn was when playing charades, Caleb sorely missed the sound of the sage’s voice. That dorky little laugh Morgyn had, too, Caleb missed that.
“Do you have a plan, for getting Ezio back?” he asked.
Morgyn looked away for a moment, and then the brunet’s head shook. Then, Morgyn looked back up at him and made a ‘I don’t know’ kind of gesture.
Caleb snorted softly. “I may have an idea,” he said.
Morgyn looked interested, at least, so Caleb kept talking.
“Sarnai’s attack on Lilith incidentally taught me something,” he said. “It turns out a vampire’s mist form operates through the in-between. It can go right around magic realm’s barrier.”
Morgyn looked a little confused, and Caleb could almost hear Morgyn asking ‘how?’ in his head, just by watching the expression on the sage’s face.
“Well, the barrier only exists in one dimension, right?” Caleb said. “It can’t block things that go at it just slightly to the left. So, a vampire’s mist form, that only kind of exists in this dimension anyway, goes right around it.”
Morgyn’s expression turned thoughtful. Caleb smiled a little.
“The only thing we’d need is a plan for when we get there,” he said. “Drake and Cassandra are trying to formulate a weapon of some kind that can give you an advantage over her.”
Morgyn looked sad, and then reached for the phone nearby. It was one of Ezio’s old ones, not in service anymore, but it still held a charge and did the job. (It also managed to keep Morgyn occupied with phone games.) Morgyn typed on it, and then turned it so Caleb could see.
“It may be too late, sure,” Caleb answered, “but it may not be, too. Look, we can speculate and wonder how Ezio’s doing all the live long day, Morgyn, but the only thing that’s going to answer those questions is going. Never mind that even without Ezio being there, you can’t ignore this because magic realm is threatened. There’s still something worth fighting for here, Morgyn.”
Morgyn went quiet, looking away and curling up against Caleb.
Caleb released a sigh. “You need Ezio more than you need me,” he said. And it’d always been that way. It always was going to be that way, and frankly, if it wasn’t, that would be somewhat strange to him. Morgyn and Ezio were perhaps the same person in two different bodies.
Caleb would never be so presumptuous as to think he could stand in for or replace that. Chances were, he had no chance in hell in doing anything of the sort.
Morgyn started to type something out on the phone, and Caleb started to read it as the brunet went. And then reached down and laid a hand over Morgyn’s fingers.
“Please don’t,” Caleb said softly. “I know you’re tired, and I know you’re hurting, and I’m sorry for asking it but please don’t give up. Ezio would never give up on you. Don’t give up on him. Morgyn, if you give up, then that’s it. You’ll never be able to make anything better.”
Morgyn was quiet for a long moment, and then Caleb felt the brunet start shaking. It was quiet, but Morgyn had started to cry. Caleb took the phone, turning it off and putting it on the table again, and then wrapped his arms around Morgyn.
It was going to be a long road to recovery. For them both.
* * *
All things considered, he was doing a little better than Caleb had expected him to be. It only took about a day or two for Caleb to figure out that Cassandra was literally the only thing keeping Drake moving right now. That, and perhaps the knowledge that if he didn’t do anything, Ezio was going to die.
They never talked about it. Ezio had turned Drake into a vampire primarily on accident; Drake had blown up a potion and the particular way the dice had landed made it a very terrible injury. Ezio didn’t want him to die. That was the magic’s answer.
If Drake had died all those years ago, Caleb imagined Ezio wouldn’t be nearly so stable and compassionate as he was.
Caleb had been wondering, ever since he started questioning Morgyn’s occupation, if it was possible to share someone and still love them and feel loved in return. Drake seemed okay enough about the arrangement between himself, Ezio, and Cassandra, but Caleb had never asked. Maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he was.
That was how Caleb had ended up wandering out onto the balcony, where Drake was staring out across the bay, and sitting down next to him. Drake glanced over at him, and then looked back at the city.
Neither said anything for a long moment, and then Drake took a breath in. “He was right,” he said.
Caleb looked over at him. “Who was right about what?” Caleb asked.
“Ezio,” Drake said. “He said the city lights looked like stars. And he was right.”
Oh. Truth be told, Caleb had never really thought about it too hard. Caleb liked the stars well enough, not nearly so much as Ezio did, that was for sure (that man should’ve been an astronaut), but they usually weren’t at the forefront of his mind.
“I guess he was,” Caleb said, watching the lights twinkle. They did almost seem to flicker and dance like starlight.
“Being out here helps me feel like it’s not as hopeless as my anxiety wants to tell me it is,” Drake said.
Well, if it worked for him, Caleb saw no reason to change anything. “If it’s working for you, that’s good,” Caleb said.
Drake didn’t say anything back, but Caleb could see it in his eyes, the way the glow dimmed. Drake just missed him, and wasn’t sure exactly how to deal with it. Caleb couldn’t say he had any better ideas.
“I wanted to ask you,” Caleb started, “about something, if you were willing to talk about it.”
“What’s that?” Drake asked.
“You and Ezio and Cassandra,” Caleb answered. “It just seems kind of strange. Like you can’t possibly be happy that way.”
Drake side-eyed him like he wanted to say something, but then changed his mind. His gaze went back across the water. “It requires a lot of communication,” Drake said. “A lot of making time for each other, both in pairs, and all three of us. Ezio’s always busy, but somehow he finds the time to make us both feel appreciated. Cassandra and I have started to understand each other. I don’t love her, not that way. I could if I tried, I think. But neither of us sees a reason to try it.”
“You don’t feel like Ezio loves you any less?” Caleb asked.
Drake looked at him again, eyebrows raising and an incredulous ‘what a child’ look on his face for a moment. “Of course not,” Drake said. “Don’t be ridiculous. My relationship with Ezio isn’t threatened by Cassandra’s relationship with him. They’re not the same. They don’t cancel each other out.”
Caleb tilted his head. “I’ve always heard if you love someone and then fall in love with someone else, you didn’t love the first one to start with.”
Drake snorted. “When a monogamous pairing falls apart because of cheating, most of the time, the root issue isn’t the actual cheating. It’s something that led to it. Cheating is a symptom of something else, like jealousy is, even if it’s a symptom of something so simple as wanting to have sex with someone new.
“It sort of ties into another problem where too many people equate love and sex, and they’re not the same thing,” Drake went on. “Why exactly dating someone inherently means you have the right to tell your partner what they can and cannot do with their body is beyond me, and once you get past the surface-level things, it just sounds really bad. But that’s a whole other can of worms.”
Caleb frowned. That directly challenged just about everything he believed in. That was probably to be expected in a monogamous world, Caleb guessed. “You wouldn’t mind, if Ezio just, tripped into having sex with someone else?” he asked.
Drake shrugged. “The most pressing concern in that situation would be if he was safe about it and it was consensual. Beyond that? Nope. Ezio’s a grown man and can decide what he wants on his own, and it has very little to do with me. The rules of attraction are many and varied. You might say there really aren’t any. He loves me. I don’t question that. I question why a lot, but I don’t question that he does. But loving someone does not automatically mean that they are sexually attracted to you. There are many reasons why that may be. Maybe he’s just not. Maybe he’s heterosexual, and biromantic. Maybe the only man in his entire life he’s ever been attracted to in any capacity is me, and it’s not sexually. Others may be asexual, or just not like sex. Sex-related trauma is also another common one. There are many, many reasons why. Love is not sex is not love.”
Caleb sighed, raising a hand to his head. This was more complicated than Caleb was expecting it to be.
Drake drew a breath in, watching him. “It’s not so hard,” he said. “Love isn’t a thing that exists, Caleb. It’s not a goalpost that you seek to reach. It is a thing that you make. It is something you build, together, for the rest of your lives together. It must be worked on, and worked towards. If you need something, talk to Morgyn. If something is making you unhappy, talk to Morgyn. If something makes you feel like you’re not good enough, talk to Morgyn. Work with each other, not against. The rest will come too.”
* * *
Caleb had at least figured out that one of the reasons Morgyn smelled wrong was because the brunet hadn’t been eating very well. More accurately, Morgyn hadn’t been eating. The levels of Morgyn’s just-about-everything were completely off base from where Caleb knew they should be, so as soon as he’d figured it out, at the first opportunity, Caleb went into the kitchen and started cooking.
Truthfully, Caleb enjoyed food. It was kind of like some sort of wizardry for him. There were semantics and specifics, and also common sense things, presentation. It was both an art, and a science, and there was nothing like feeling like he was taking care of the people he cared for.
He wouldn’t admit it, of course, but the primary reason he’d learnt to cook at all was because of Morgyn. Being blunt, Morgyn was absolute shit at self-care, and always had been. Nothing had changed in that regard. If anything, as Morgyn had gotten older, the brunet had gotten worse at it.
For now, everything he’d made was in the fridge. Cassandra was also mortal and needed sustenance, and if she ate one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, Caleb was going to lose every ounce of his shit.
Morgyn should be just about to wake up from that nap. Caleb shuffled around the kitchen, getting the dishes he’d used loaded into the dishwasher, and then headed up the stairs. Caleb didn’t think it was a good idea to leave Morgyn alone for too long, especially given Morgyn seemed to have no interest in being left alone.
Quietly, he opened the bedroom door, and closed it behind him. Morgyn was sitting by the window, staring out onto the street below. Caleb shuffled over, sitting down nearby. Morgyn immediately reached over and claimed his arm.
“You doing okay?” Caleb asked.
Morgyn shrugged one shoulder.
That was a better response than Caleb had been expecting, being totally honest about it. He wasn’t going to quibble. He’d asked, Morgyn told him the truth, and that was as good as it needed to be.
Caleb could probably use to be more honest with Morgyn, too. Just, maybe not right this second. Morgyn was still recovering from a lot of things and trying to regain enough footing to have the will to go deal with Sarnai and hopefully save Ezio. Caleb didn’t want to put any more on the brunet than he already had.
And yet, that mindset was what had gotten him into this mess in the first place, wasn’t it?
“Have you eaten recently?” Caleb asked.
Morgyn’s head shook against his arm. “Can’t,” the brunet answered. “Sick.”
Ah, of course Morgyn was feeling sick. It was probably just a matter of too many stressors being active at once. “Okay,” Caleb said. “If you still can’t eat anything later, I’ll make some broth or something. You need to get something into you.”
Morgyn shifted around, looking up at him, and then something Caleb couldn’t immediately identify crossed the brunet’s face. With the lights dimmed, the bluish tint from the outside illuminating one side, shimmering in those brown waves, Morgyn was utterly beautiful.
But Caleb had always thought that, and probably would even if Morgyn wasn’t to everyone else.
Morgyn moved and hugged him properly, rather than just his arm. They sat there for a long moment, and then the brunet moved again, sitting up so that Morgyn was level with Caleb. The gap between them started to close, and Caleb’s heart sped up, and then Morgyn stopped, backed away, and moved to settle back down where the brunet had been before.
Caleb reached down, gently pulling Morgyn back up level with him. “Why’d you stop?” he asked quietly.
Morgyn snorted softly, looking down at the floor. “You would,” Morgyn answered.
And the worst part was, Morgyn was probably right. Caleb wasn’t quite so sure about doing anything of the sort right now, not when he suspected what he suspected, but he couldn’t tell Morgyn what the brunet wanted, either. If it turned out to be too much, if they went too far, they could just stop. Caleb would just have to be careful, because Morgyn may not know it was too much until it was too late.
“I just, never really knew how you felt about me,” Caleb said. “My head was telling me one thing, my heart said another. The head and the heart, they don’t really get along very well.”
Morgyn glanced away. “Obvious,” the brunet said. “I was.”
Caleb’s eyes closed for a moment. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess you were. I think… I just didn’t want you to feel like you had to want me. I didn’t want to be another duty.”
The brunet released a loud snort. “You’re an idiot,” Morgyn said.
Yes, Caleb knew that, but did Morgyn have to say it?
“The only one I want to want me is you,” Morgyn ground out. It seemed hard to say it. “And you don’t, and it hurts.”
Morgyn reached up, hands smacking into the brunet’s face lightly a few times. Caleb saw the sparkling of the light off Morgyn’s tears before he saw them, but he reached up, gently putting Morgyn’s hands down, brushing the tears away with his thumbs.
Of course he wanted Morgyn. He’d wanted Morgyn so much for so long, he almost didn’t know what to do with it all. Was that really how it seemed like? But how could it seem like anything else? If you rejected someone enough times, go figure, they started to feel rejected.
God, he really was an idiot.
Maybe Caleb should shut up, and show Morgyn what he meant, instead. Gently, and somewhat slowly, so as not to set Morgyn off into a sudden panic, he tilted Morgyn’s head up, and pressed his lips against Morgyn’s.
And for a moment, Morgyn didn’t respond, seemingly surprised by it. But then the brunet shifted, kissing back. On their own, the two separated, and when their lips met again, their tongues met too. Morgyn moved, sliding into Caleb’s lap, arms wrapping around Caleb’s neck, and just being this close like this was almost enough to set every nerve in Caleb’s body on fire.
Morgyn seemed to want more than just a kiss. Caleb wasn’t so sure that was a good idea. Not if what Caleb thought happened, did. He backed up, for just a moment. Morgyn looked confused.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Caleb asked. “We don’t have to-“
“Shh,” Morgyn said, catching his lips again. Caleb supposed that was an answer, why not. He wasn’t going to try telling Morgyn what the brunet wanted. He just hoped Morgyn had thought about it more than it seemed like. He’d just make sure he did this right.
He was careful about it. He explored, caressed, kissed every bit of skin he could reach, but he was very gentle, and didn’t move too fast, treating Morgyn’s body like the temple it was, paying very close attention to every little thing Morgyn did.
Morgyn seemed a little unsure from time to time, breath hitching here and there, but Caleb stopped and backed up, and let Morgyn decide when they were moving again. Caleb had never spent so long worshipping someone’s body like this, but it was the body Morgyn lived in, and Caleb loved it just as much as he loved Morgyn.
Caleb scooted backward across the floor, away from the windows. Morgyn looked amused, leaning over and crawling across the wood and back into his lap, lingering a hair’s breath away from Caleb. Their lips met again, Morgyn’s body pressed against his, hips grinding against Caleb’s jeans slightly, and fire ignited in Caleb’s veins. He almost moved too quick, but he stopped himself before he could, shoving it down. Slow and steady.
Gently, Caleb’s fingers slipped under Morgyn’s shirt, running over the skin, teasing slightly. Morgyn loosed a surprised sound into Caleb’s mouth, and then they separated, and Caleb slipped the shirt off. Their lips rejoined, and then separated again, but their faces stayed close, their breath mixing and mingling. Morgyn’s fingers slowly went down Caleb’s shirt, unfastening the buttons one by one, the other hand exploring the skin under the fabric as it fell away. Morgyn’s hands slid over his shoulders, slipping the shirt off.
One moved in for a kiss. The other teasingly backed away, and they played a game teasing each other for a moment. Caleb gently ran his fingers through Morgyn’s hair. Morgyn’s head tilted slightly at the touch, and Caleb’s lips met the brunet’s jaw, feather light kisses trailing down Morgyn’s neck, to the collar bone, and still lower.
He had to shift around, putting Morgyn between him and the floor, but the moment Caleb put any of his weight onto Morgyn, the brunet’s breathing went erratic and Morgyn tensed up. “It’s okay,” Caleb murmured. “I won’t hurt you, it’s alright…” Amid the murmurs, Caleb raised his head, his arms resting on the floor as he gently petted Morgyn’s hair, and after a moment or two, the brunet’s breathing evened back out.
“M’okay,” Morgyn said, after another minute or so, almost panting.
“Are you sure?” Caleb asked. He didn’t want to move too fast.
Morgyn thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. Caleb wouldn’t insult the brunet by asking again, so instead, he went back to trailing those feather light kisses across Morgyn’s skin, down the brunet’s ribs. Caleb had to scoot down to reach, trailing kisses all the way down to Morgyn’s waistband, and then back up. Morgyn’s back arched, a shuddering breath loosing.
There was a little more breath spluttering over Caleb’s hand slipping under Morgyn’s waistband, but he paused and waited for it to go again. When Morgyn released a little shuddering pleased breath, Caleb trailed kisses back down Morgyn’s abdomen, slowly separating the brunet from out of these pants along the way.
Morgyn moved up onto the brunet’s knees, hips shifting to one side, hands sliding Caleb’s jeans off. Caleb hardly thought twice about it, as their lips met again, and his hands slid down Morgyn’s sides, one of them coming to rest on Morgyn’s hip, the other cupping Morgyn’s cheek. Morgyn wanted him, and Morgyn’s want was fuelling his own desire.
Caleb moved slightly, sort of stepping out of his jeans. Morgyn pressed tightly up against him, like the brunet wanted them to fuse into one, but the closeness was setting Caleb’s nerves on fire. Every little bit of him Morgyn touched tingled afterwards, and Caleb loved every second of it.
Morgyn’s fingers gently lingered over the scars marring Caleb’s skin. The question was in Morgyn’s eyes, but the brunet didn’t ask. Caleb found, there were faint marks littered across Morgyn’s skin, too, but Caleb didn’t ask either. Instead, Caleb pressed his lips against every single one of them, memorising where they were, the precise shade they turned Morgyn’s skin for their presence.
He wanted to know every little detail of Morgyn’s body, so well he’d be able to close his eyes, and draw it from memory.
Even being this close to Morgyn didn’t feel like it was close enough. Morgyn loosed a soft little whine, reaching over to rest a hand against Caleb’s jaw and raise his head. Lips met, tongues danced, Morgyn slipped up into Caleb’s lap, legs wrapping around his waist, and subtly pulled Caleb down onto the floor.
Morgyn reached down, moving Caleb into position, but he took Morgyn’s hand in his, kissing the back of it, holding it to his chest.
“Not yet,” Caleb whispered.
Morgyn whined.
“Just a second,” Caleb answered, and he lowered his weight onto Morgyn.
Just like he suspected Morgyn was going to, the brunet’s breathing went erratic again. “Shhh,” Caleb soothed. “It’s still alright.” But trying to enter Morgyn with the brunet that close to freaking out, it probably wasn’t going to work out, and Caleb did not want to fuck this up.
He waited, until Morgyn’s breathing evened out, and had been even for a minute or two. Then, he leaned over, still holding Morgyn’s hand, trailing kisses across the brunet’s shoulder, his other hand resting on Morgyn’s hip.
As gently as he could, he started working his way in, a little at a time. He didn’t get very far, before Morgyn’s breathing went wrong, and the brunet loosed a near panicked noise. Immediately, Caleb stopped.
“Hey,” Caleb said, tone hushed, the hand not holding Morgyn’s brushing against the brunet’s cheekbone. “You’re alright, it’s okay. Do you need me to back out?”
Morgyn’s head shook, tilting back. Caleb’s senses as hyper-aware as they were, he smelled the salt before the tears slipped free. Caleb’s free hand caught them as they went, brushing them away on one side. The other side, Caleb very gently kissed them away.
“We can stop if you want to,” Caleb said. “We don’t have to do this, Morgyn.”
Morgyn drew a shuddering breath in, one leg moving and wrapping around Caleb’s. “I want, someone I want touching me, to touch me,” Morgyn said. The brunet was still having a little trouble speaking, it would seem. “I don’t wanna feel them anymore, Caleb, I wanna feel you.”
In that moment, Caleb realised two things. One, his logic was correct, and what he thought had happened, seemed to have actually happened. Two, Morgyn trusted him immensely to be doing this with him right now.
Caleb raised the hand he was still holding, kissing the knuckles. “I’ll wait for you,” he said, his other hand gently stroking Morgyn’s cheek. “For you, I’ll wait forever, just like this, if that is what you need.”
