Chapter 12: God Knows I’m Not Dying
My Blood, Ellie Goulding
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The sound of snow crunching under his boots was louder than he expected, and also, somehow, quieter. He made his way towards the trees, following some instinctive pull to somewhere. Ezio could hear it, around the sound of some strange, endless roaring noise, the screeching and singing that he heard in magic realm. For a moment, he wondered if he should follow the sound.
Something told him not to. He didn’t, instead turning another direction. There was nothing but blackness, but if he squinted, he could barely make out what he thought were trees, or should be, vegetation. He looked down at his feet, finding black boots with rather the stiletto heel, a black cloak swirling around him, black fur around his neck. Ezio raised his hands. His nails were painted black, black jewellery on one hand. He had to admit, he liked the effect. There wasn’t snow under him, that he could see, but he could hear it as he walked.
Someone giggled behind him. He turned around, peering into the blackness. Swirls of slightly less black, perhaps a dingy, dark brown, coiled within it. The giggle returned, in a different place. He turned just in time to see a fluff of white hair disappear into the darkness.
“Wait-” he called. His voice echoed. The roaring grew louder for a moment, before the volume dropped back down. It almost hurt to listen to. Not physically, in his heart. Like it was a scream of agony.
The giggle sounded again. He didn’t bother turning this time. “Who are you?”
There was more giggling. The roaring softened. “Come,” a voice whispered, but Ezio could only tell that they were young, whoever it was. Ezio wondered if he should be following voices that came out of darkness, that acted like no darkness he’d ever seen before, but something told him he didn’t have a choice.
He was here for a reason. And he’d be here until that reason was dealt with.
“Come,” the voice repeated, louder. He could tell where it came from, somewhere in there beyond the black, in that twisting coil of darkness that seemed sentient and alive, somehow. He really shouldn’t be walking into sentient pockets of darkness, but alright, today we’re living on the wild side.
Ezio moved forward, the crunching sound of snow returning, and stepped into the twisting wall of shadow. He walked on, darkness on all sides, only the occasional giggling of whoever, or whatever, it was he was following, and the snow beneath him, audible. The sound of the snow crunching steadily turned from crunching into a clicking of heels on what sounded like stone. He glanced down again. There was nothing under him but blackness, and little flickers of light that looked like they might be stars.
It was a good thing he wasn’t afraid of heights, or that would really fuck him up.
The giggling suddenly stopped. He felt like he should stop, so he did, watching the darkness ahead of him. A young child, pale blue skin, frizzy white hair, and no face, stepped out of the shadows. “She comes,” a voice said, and he knew that it was the child, but the voice came from everywhere and nowhere at once.
She?
The child disappeared back into the shadows, leaving Ezio with his maelstrom of thoughts and questions. He looked around. Strangely, he wasn’t scared. Like he knew this place, somehow. Ezio knelt down, tapping whatever it was he was standing on. The stars jerked around, like they were mere glitter suspended in water, and the tapping had disturbed them. That was familiar, too. He’d been here before, but he didn’t remember when.
“In the time before you had a name,” a feminine voice answered his thought.
Ezio blinked in surprise and looked up. A dusky skinned, violet eyed, white haired woman stepped out of the shadows this time, the darkness seeming to melt off her, and also create her, at the same time. His eyes narrowed. Keish – no. That wasn’t Keisha. It was Keisha, but it wasn’t.
“I see,” Ezio answered. He had no idea what she was talking about, but he didn’t know a lot of things, right now. “And where is this?”
“You’ll understand,” ‘Keisha’ answered, stepping around him. “It doesn’t matter, just now. I came to warn you.”
“I think in this instance, all due respect, I came to you,” Ezio said.
‘Keisha’ looked amused, turning around to look at him. “You always were my favourite,” she said. “Morgyn could quite easily fall to the darkness in his own heart, and quickly. I believe that only you can stop it.”
Ezio’s gaze narrowed. He thought about it, for a moment. Sure, Morgyn did have a notable darkness. Ezio didn’t think it was any stronger or more significant than anyone else’s. Everyone had darkness in their hearts. It was up to them to keep the light in their heart shining brightly enough to keep it from taking over, and Morgyn had never proven incapable of that much.
His gaze fell to the darkness below, and as they rose again to meet ‘Keisha’s gaze, he caught sight of a cluster of lights, moving in tandem in the darkness. The cluster was moving away. Almost unconsciously, he started to follow them, but then stopped. Something told him not to. Was it her, that told him such things? Ezio glanced at her.
She simply arched one eyebrow a hair.
He looked away, and noticed his breath hanging in the air. Then, there was a sharp sting in his fingers. He raised his hands. Frost was spreading across his fingers. Ezio was freezing, here. Still, it didn’t scare him.
The frost was his.
“L said almost the same thing,” Ezio said.
“I’m sure she did,” ‘Keisha replied, moving around him. Unlike he did, she made no sound when she walked. “You two were born together for a reason, Ezio. Not all is as it seems. Magic realm may be in more danger than I first thought, than anyone can imagine.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ezio asked.
“A storm is rising,” she answered. “And you are nosing into things that are not any of your business, to be frank. Still, there is a destroyer awakening. I suppose what you do in this instance is your decision, even if I don’t agree with it.”
Ezio’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Wait, what’s a destroyer?”
‘Keisha’ rolled her eyes. “Someone that can cause great change. Destroyers are neither inherently good, nor inherently bad. Simply, they have potential to become either one. Which they become is ultimately up to them, and the influences they have on their journey. The future is uncertain, rife with conflict and hardship, and I foresee that things will become much harder before they get easier.”
Ezio blinked. That was all? “That sure sounds like life alright.”
“No, worse,” ‘Keisha’ answered. “The future is yet to be decided. This destroyer has not chosen a side, and may still become either one. I feel that you can influence how things turn out.”
Ezio snorted. “And what on earth makes you think that?” He could feel the frost spreading up his arms, now.
‘Keisha’ looked up at him, her eyes meeting his. “I believe this destroyer to be Morgyn,” she said. “No one has more influence with Morgyn than you do.”
Ezio released a sigh. “Great, now my twin might be going crazy.” As if he didn’t have enough to deal with in his life.
“Everyone’s going crazy,” ‘Keisha’ said. “All the time. It’s just that most of them die before they get there.”
That was strangely not comforting.
“It wasn’t meant to be,” she said.
“How do you do that?”
“We are in your soul,” ‘Keisha’ said. “I can read your mind here. I know you better than you know yourself, here, and if you’re smart, so do you.”
What? Never mind. “Creepy, nice.” Ezio nodded slightly, looking around. “Wait, I’m sorry, are we talking about Morgyn’s darkness, and not going to address… mine?” he asked, gesturing at the wall of twisting darkness.
“That’s not darkness, dear,” ‘Keisha’ answered. “That, is something entirely different. And it’s not yours.”
How was that even possible? “It’s not mine.”
“It is a memory,” ‘Keisha’ said. “A memory, long buried by time, and many, many deaths, that your soul believes is important to you, now. You don’t have much time left, here, so I will keep this brief. I don’t understand its meaning. I didn’t live those lives you lived. The destroyer knows things that others do not, is strong, and has great influence. People tend to be drawn to, and very much like, a destroyer. Like all things in this life, destruction is merely a tool. It is how one uses it that makes it good or bad. You must guide Morgyn the right way, or he may destroy everything.”
Ezio began to ask what made her think that, but as soon as he opened his mouth to speak the words, he sat bolt upright in bed, breathing heavily and hard. As he struggled to catch his breath, he noticed it still hanging in the air, staring at the little puff of vapour. Instinctively, he turned down at his hands, catching sight of the frost receding, and disappearing from his fingertips.
Distantly, he heard a child giggle, and he wondered if he’d ever find a spirit that gave him messages without nearly killing him.
“You do actually like roses, right?” Jackson asked.
Ezio snorted, scooting around to rest on Jackson’s chest. It was nice, just listening to him breathe, sometimes. Knowing that there was someone else there, even if maybe things weren’t always the best between them. “I like whatever you want to get me,” Ezio said.
Jackson snorted, arching an eyebrow. “You don’t have any preferences at all?”
“Well, I like purple things,” Ezio said. “But the point isn’t the flower itself, Jackson. It’s what the flower represents.”
“Uh-huh.” Jackson didn’t get it.
“That you’re thinking of me, silly,” Ezio said.
“I knew that.” He didn’t know that.
Ezio was still on bed rest. The dream he’d had that night had alarmed Drake a little, too. His hands were cold, his heartbeat had slowed down, and his windows had frosted over for no reason. Drake, Jackson, and Morgyn thought he’d lost control of his magic in his sleep. Ezio wasn’t ready to talk about it, so they could keep thinking that, if they wanted. It was easier on him. It meant they didn’t ask questions that he wasn’t ready to answer, questions that maybe he didn’t have answers to.
“Well, I’ll stay a couple days longer,” Jackson said. “That way, you can feel a bit better and we can spend a little time together before I go, and you can see me off.”
“Really?” Ezio asked.
“Sure,” Jackson answered, smiling. “I wanna be sure you’re okay, anyway. I know Morgyn can handle it, I know. I’m just worried about you.”
Ezio smiled quietly, turning his head down to nuzzle closer. Jackson snorted softly, reaching up to run his fingers through Ezio’s hair. Maybe Ezio was just worrying about nothing. Morgyn’s paranoia had just made him paranoid, too, that was all. So what if they fought sometimes? Ezio and Morgyn fought all the time, too. No one was telling him Morgyn was hurting him, or telling Morgyn that he was hurting the blond. It was ridiculous. They just had to work things out, that was all, and maybe that was hard to do because Jackson was never here, but Ezio understood that.
There were just some things he couldn’t be involved in. He knew that.
“Ez,” Jackson said, quietly, resting his head against Ezio’s. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” Ezio asked, gaze turning up towards his face.
“The other night, when I hurt you,” he said. “I was just tired, and I lost my temper, and that’s not an excuse, I know that. I’ll do better.”
Ezio smiled, his gaze turning down again, following the wrinkles and folds in Jackson’s shirt. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s really not,” Jackson said. “I shouldn’t be hurting you.”
“It’s fine,” Ezio reiterated. “I’ve lived through worse than that, it just scared me that’s -“
“Worse?” Jackson asked. “Wait, has someone… Ezio…” Jackson shimmied downward, making their eyes meet.
It was strange, and it almost made Ezio’s heart hurt, to see the concern in his eyes. “A long time ago,” Ezio said. “That was… such a long time ago, really, it’s -“
“Oh, god baby I’m so sorry,” Jackson said, reaching up to cup Ezio’s cheeks, leaning forward and kissing his forehead. “I’m sorry, so, so sorry, that was probably so terrifying -“
“No, it’s not like you knew, and anyway, it’s fine -“
“Not fine,” Jackson argued. “… is that why you’re so weird in bed?”
“What?” Ezio asked. “I’m weird? I didn’t know that, I’m sorry -“
“No it’s – I didn’t mean it like that, don’t change anything,” Jackson said. “Better yet, forget I said that.”
“But -“
“Shh, it’s okay.” Jackson moved closer, wrapping his arms around Ezio. “I didn’t say anything. You’re wonderful just the way you are.”
Sometimes, Ezio wasn’t sure what he felt, for Jackson, about him, he wasn’t sure what it was he wanted. And then the Jackson that he’d met, all that long ago in Caster’s Alley by chance, showed up again, and he remembered. He remembered how glad he was that Jackson was in his life, how much Jackson seemed to adore him, and all the things Morgyn said against him didn’t matter anymore.
“How did we get here?” Ezio asked, quietly.
Jackson snorted softly, thinking. “I don’t know, really,” he said. “But I feel like the luckiest man in the world.”
“Stop it,” Ezio said, glancing away and pretending he didn’t feel the heat spreading across his cheeks.
“You’re so damn cute when you do that,” Jackson said. “You’re right though, I’m the luckiest man in the universe.”
“Oh come on,” Ezio said.
“No, how about in the multiverse? There are other universes, right?”
“Well theoretically but you can’t be lucky to get me.”
“And why not?” Jackson asked.
“I’m just a nameless nobody from France, Jackson,” Ezio said.
“You’re Ezio Ember,” Jackson answered. “That doesn’t sound like nobody to me. And you’re mine either way.”
“Yours huh?” Ezio asked. “Maybe you’re mine.”
“Oh, is that it?” Jackson asked, his eyebrows raising. He scooted down a little again, reaching over a poking Ezio’s side.
“What are you doing -” Ezio asked, squirming away.
“I just remembered you’re ticklish -“
“No I’m not -“
The argument was lost, as Jackson tickle-attacked, and Ezio’s laughter was all that was heard. Ezio squirmed towards the foot of the bed, attempting to escape him, and almost wriggled right off onto the floor. Jackson caught his arm and pulled him back up, and then went right back to his tickling. Ezio grabbed one of the pillows, and smacked Jackson in the shoulder with it.
And then, quite suddenly, Ezio started gasping for air, and curled up. Jackson frowned, leaning over.
“Ezio, baby, what happened?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”
Ezio didn’t answer, at first. Jackson slid off the bed, pulling Ezio up and lying him down, then took his wrist and felt his pulse. It’d gone erratic and messy.
“Okay, that was too much exertion, I’m sorry,” he said, kneeling down on the floor. Ezio was still breathing strangely, but after a few moments of consciously trying to control it, Ezio managed to calm it down.
“It’s okay,” Ezio said.
Ezio said that, but Jackson felt like all he could do anymore was hurt him.
“Hey, I just need to rest some more, okay?” Ezio said, taking his hand. Jackson looked upset.
“I know,” Jackson said, but he didn’t look too reassured. “I’ll go downstairs for a bit,” he said. “You rest, okay?”
Ezio groaned.
Jackson sat up, and kissed his cheek. “You need to get better, babe,” he said. “And I need to not hinder you from getting better and resting. I’ll be back later.” Jackson stood, kissing Ezio’s knuckles, and then gently setting his hand down on the bed. He turned, and went down the stairs.
One bad thing about running from it. Jackson had no idea how to deal with it.
That was a lot of suitcases. Ezio wasn’t surprised by it, though. Jackson would be gone for a while, even though he’d been to Sulani probably ten or fifteen times, if Ezio was any good at keeping track (he probably wasn’t). Mostly, these places were just names that didn’t mean anything to him. He’d never seen any of them with his own eyes, and sometimes Ezio wondered if they really existed or not. There was no reason for Jackson to be making these places up. Unless, of course, for some reason, he didn’t want to stay here.
Lilith’s words echoed in his head. How many times did Jackson have to see Selvadorada, before Ezio understood it wasn’t Selvadorada he left for? There were definitely times when it seemed like Jackson didn’t want to be here. Times when Ezio thought he was doing his best never to spend too much time around him, but he always thought it was just Morgyn getting to him.
Maybe that was just what he told himself to make himself feel better.
“Are you sure you can’t stay longer?” Ezio asked.
“Sorry, baby,” Jackson answered, pulling his clothes out of the closet. “I’ve already pushed it back as far as I can.”
Ezio was quiet for a moment. “I miss you, when you’re away.”
“I miss you too,” Jackson said. “But it’d be a big waste of money, and a waste of time, I’ve had this trip planned for weeks, you know that.”
Yeah, Ezio did know that. But instead of answering, he just looked down at the sheets.
Jackson released a sigh, shuffling over to him, and taking both his hands. “Ezio, you know if I could, I’d just take you with me. There’s a nice waterfall we could disappear in together. Beautiful, clear water, you can see down forever and then it all disappears in a muddle of blue. It’s beautiful.”
Ezio smiled for a moment, then took his hands back, and stood up, walking towards the door. “It won’t ever happen,” he said. “Jackson, I’m not getting better. I don’t think I ever will.”
“What makes you think that?” Jackson asked.
“Drake can’t stop it as easily,” Ezio said softly, stopping and staring at the wall through the stained glass. “I’m getting worse.” And someday…
Jackson released a breath, standing back up and coming to stand behind Ezio. He didn’t say anything for a while. “You’re really a downer sometimes, you know that?”
“I’m just realistic,” Ezio said, his head turning to the side, to look at Jackson through his periphery.
“That’s mighty convenient, though, isn’t it?” Jackson asked.
“What is?” Ezio asked in return.
“I should stay, huh, because if I don’t, you may be gone when I get back,” Jackson said. “You know, it all just seems really convenient.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ezio asked, his eyebrows furrowing.
“Look, I’m just saying that you have an awfully accurate habit of having some real damn heavy news to drop on me about when it’d be useful for making me feel like shit to walk away from you.”
Ezio was quiet, for a moment, staring at Jackson like he couldn’t believe Jackson had just said that.
“And sometimes, it just feels like you’re going through the motions of pretending to try stopping me, and I gotta wonder if you want me here at all,” Jackson went on.
“What, you want me to stop you?” Ezio asked.
“Damn it, Ezio, I want you.”
Ezio turned around to face him, and released a huff. “Jackson, let me ask you this,” he said. “Why did you ask me out?” What was it that Jackson saw in him, anyway? Come to think of it, another great question was, why did Ezio say yes? Because it was times like these, when Ezio’s emotions were running high and he didn’t know what he felt, that he wondered that. And maybe those weren’t things someone should be wondering about their boyfriend.
Jackson rolled his eyes. “I figured, if I let you get away, I was gonna regret it for the rest of my life. I was probably right.”
“And why did you think that?” Ezio asked.
“What is this, an interrogation?” Jackson asked.
Ezio didn’t answer, just stared at him, his arms crossing over his chest.
“Have you looked in a mirror recently?” Jackson asked, instead.
Ezio looked away, just slightly. Now that he was thinking about it, when Jackson had compliments, talked about things he liked about Ezio, they were usually surface-level things. So what was he really attracted to, just his body? Obviously that wasn’t going to last forever, considering it was dying.
“For someone that claims to want me so much,” Ezio said, “you sure have a real damn shitty way of showing it.” Ezio turned around, reaching out and pulling the door open.
Jackson shifted behind him, reaching over him and closing the door, effectively trapping him between him and the door.
“Let me leave, Jackson,” Ezio said.
“I’m talking to you,” Jackson answered. “You don’t get to walk away from me.”
He was doing it again. Just like everything he ever said, that wasn’t true either. He wasn’t sorry, and here they were again. Ezio shoved the panic down. “There’s no point in talking about this right now,” Ezio said, his tone calmer than he felt, but if one listened, the slightest shaking in his voice might be heard.
“Funny that too,” Jackson said. “Every time we start talking about something important, you run away. What the hell are you really running from?”
“Nothing,” Ezio said. “Getting too angry at each other simply doesn’t solve anything and I need time to think.”
“I didn’t say you could have time to think,” Jackson answered. “We’re talking, you don’t get to just walk out on me.”
Ezio’s eyebrows furrowed further, his voice raising slightly. “And you don’t get to make my decisions -“
“And you don’t raise your voice to me either!” Jackson snarled, grabbing Ezio’s shoulder and making him turn around long enough to backhand him.
Ezio loosed a shriek, slammed into the door, and then hit the floor, the panic alighting in his eyes. He rolled over, starting to scramble across the floor to the balcony. Jackson caught him around the waist, shoving him onto the floor and pinning him down.
“Get off me!” Ezio barely got the words out before a burst of black shot up from the floor. Drake, his eyes a brighter glow than normal, reached down, grabbed Jackson by the back of his shirt and threw him into the bathroom door, forcing him to let Ezio go.
Drake turned around, standing between them. Ezio scrambled up off the floor, tucking himself behind Drake, and Jackson snarled in annoyance, one hand sparkling with magic.
“No!” Ezio threw his hands up instinctively, and Jackson’s hand froze to the door; then, the ice shot across his chest, firmly affixing him to the wood.
The cold caught Jackson off-guard. He startled, looked up at Ezio. He’d frozen him to a door, and then he saw it. The blood leaking down Ezio’s chin from his lip.
Damn it. He’d done it again.
No one moved. No one said anything. None of them even really breathed, but Ezio saw it, the regret in Jackson’s eyes, and he felt bad about freezing him to the door. But if he hadn’t, Jackson would’ve attacked Drake, and – Ezio glanced over at Drake. His eyes were the brightest shade of ice blue Ezio had ever seen them be, almost white. He could see the stiffness in the lines of his body, the way his muscles were contracted, ready to spring on a moment’s notice.
Ezio had never seen him so angry.
“If I ever,” Drake said, his tone low, and almost a snarl, “catch you anywhere near Ezio again, understand that I will kill you.”
Ezio sucked in a breath, glancing between them.
Jackson held Drake’s gaze, for a long moment, and then looked down at the floor. “Unfreeze me.”
Ezio glanced at Drake. Very minutely, he could see Drake nod once, and Ezio raised his hands, and pulled the magic back. The ice receded, breaking into tiny little sparks of light that faded away. Jackson stepped closer, looking at Drake. Drake met his gaze, one arm reaching behind him to take Ezio’s wrist and make sure the caster stayed behind him. For a long moment, Ezio thought for sure one or the other was going to lunge.
And then, just like that, Jackson released a snort, turned to the door, and pulled it open. Without another word, he stalked off into the hallway, and presumably, down the stairs. As his footsteps faded, Ezio squeaked, and released a sob. Drake turned around, gently wrapping his arms around him, as Ezio broke apart into tears.
“It’s okay,” Drake said, softly. “You’re safe now.”
Yes, Ezio was safe, he thought, clinging to Drake’s shirt and burying his face in it like Drake was the only thing keeping him from physically falling apart. But nothing would ever be the same again.
This was disturbingly familiar, Ezio thought. He sat in a chair, holding still while Drake dealt with the blood from his lip. Jackson had managed to split his lip, and now that it was over, all Ezio could feel was regret that it’d turned out that way, that he’d reacted like that, that Drake had gotten involved at all. He shouldn’t have done that. And Ezio was quite sure, that if they sat down and talked it out, it’d be perfectly fine. They just needed to calm down a little bit, that was all.
Ezio sniffled quietly. He’d been crying off and on, even after the blinding panic had subsided, and frankly he didn’t know why. He’d lived through so much worse than that, that was nothing. There was nothing to be so damned upset about, he was just being a selfish jerk over it. Jackson was right, there were a lot of times when things seemed to line up in strange ways, and maybe there wasn’t anything for that, but Ezio shouldn’t have reacted that way. Jackson’s concerns were valid. They could’ve had a conversation about them, something constructive, but just like Jackson said, things got serious, and Ezio ran away from it. It wasn’t fair for him to ask Jackson to stay and then turn around and be the one that ran away. No wonder Jackson lost hise temper, Ezio was being completely unfair and kind of a jerk.
Grey eyes flicked over to look at Drake. Ezio could still see it, in the way he moved, his posture, even as he was incredibly gentle cleaning the blood off, that Drake was still very pissed off. It scared him to see it. Ezio looked away. He didn’t understand why Drake was so angry, it didn’t make any sense to him. Maybe he was just mad that Drake had needed to intervene on his behalf, yet again, because Ezio always needed help. Two hundred years later, you’d think by now Ezio would be able to fight his own fights, but he couldn’t.
It was pathetic.
“You’re really mad,” Ezio said.
“I’m not mad at you,” Drake answered, his tone weirdly calm and soft for how tense he was.
“You should be,” Ezio answered.
“Why?” Drake asked.
“I needed you again.” It was always Ezio that needed Drake. He shouldn’t be surprised. Things had been that way since France, and despite his best efforts to try and change it, Ezio still needed him, still depended on Drake more than was fair. Sure, he had Morgyn now, too, and Ezio would always need Morgyn the same, but Morgyn was one thing. Here Drake was, hundreds of years later, still dealing with the stray dog his uncle had dragged in one day. And maybe the worst part was that Drake seemed to be okay with it.
It was always Ezio that needed Drake. Drake didn’t need him.
Drake paused a moment, looking at Ezio, though Ezio’s head was bowed, gaze on the wood floor. Drake wasn’t sure what to say to that. But then, maybe the truth was best, here. He tried to be honest with Ezio, anyway. “I lived through this kind of thing once,” Drake said. “A long time ago. I couldn’t do anything back then, not enough. I’m not as helpless now, Ezio. And I will not live through that again, especially not from someone that’s meant to love you.”
Ezio looked up at him, and then back down at the floor. Drake went back to dealing with Ezio’s injury. He’d found Ezio’s injured wrist along the way, and wrapped it in a support.
“I never did convince myself that he loved me,” Ezio said. “I just hoped that maybe someday he could.”
Drake almost groaned for the irony of that. Jackson had said something similar about Ezio, but Drake wasn’t going to tell Ezio that. The younger man had a habit of seeing the best in everyone, and Jackson would be no exception. He’d seen it at France. Ezio would come up with rationalisations, make logical sense of these things, find a way to put all of the blame on himself, and he would carry that blame right back to Jackson and pretend that nothing had happened.
Jackson may not have been a bad guy, but he was a terrible boyfriend, at least, to Ezio.
“I meant what I said, Ezio,” Drake said quietly. “If he comes anywhere near you again, I will kill him.”
Ezio’s eyebrows raised in distress. “Drake, no,” he said. “He didn’t mean it, it was an accident -“
“That was not an accident,” Drake said, his tone sharper than he intended. “You do not accidentally backhand your boyfriend into a glass door and pin him down.”
Ezio recoiled slightly, but then remembered that this was Drake, and he was not, and likely never would be, afraid of Drake. He had strong feelings about this, that was all. “I… Drake I messed -“
“It was not your fault, either,” Drake said, a bit calmer. “Ezio, no one makes someone hurt someone else but themselves. It is nothing more than his own mind that drives a man to evil. You had nothing to do with it. You just happened to be there.”
Ezio stayed quiet, but he felt the sting of tears, and his heart squeeze, and before he could stop it, a sob escaped. “Why is it always me?” he asked, between the sobs. His legs pulled up onto the chair, and he folded into himself, but Drake reached out and loosely pulled him into his arms.
“I don’t know,” he said. “Because you’re a light, Ezio, full of compassion and generosity, and corruption is drawn to it, whether to try and save itself, or to destroy things that are good to make itself feel better. But don’t ever think that is your fault. They want to tear you down, because they will never be what you are. Don’t let them take your light.”
Ezio squeaked against him. “Please don’t tell Morgyn,” Ezio said. “You almost killed him, but Morgyn will hunt him down.”
Drake sighed. “I won’t tell Morgyn. As long as he doesn’t ever come back.”
Ezio stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and sliding the shower door closed. Today was the first time he could manage one of those standing on his own, and it was embarrassing to need help with things like a shower, things he should be perfectly fine managing on his own. But there were a lot of things that Ezio should be able to manage on his own that he couldn’t.
He picked up another towel, holding it against his face, and then set it on his hair and rubbed the water out. As he looked up at himself in the mirror, he caught sight of the bluish bruise on his lip. That sure did leave a mark, didn’t it? So far, Morgyn hadn’t seen it, but eventually, Morgyn wouldn’t be busy anymore, and would come in to see how he was doing. What was Ezio supposed to say? Well, maybe he could say something about smacking himself in the face with something on accident. Ezio generally wasn’t a very good liar. Morgyn would probably see right through it, but it didn’t matter. By the time Morgyn thought to get pushy about it, Jackson would be long gone, off to Sulani, or wherever he was actually going.
He tried to imagine it, in his head, this Sulani place. Jackson said that the trees were tall and the sand was bright, and soft. Bushes and bunches of exotic and brightly coloured plants scattered across the beaches, the coral striking under the clear water. The skies were the palest blue, the sun bright and warm, and the people were friendly and helped each other. Ezio thought it sounded simultaneously like heaven, and like it would be far too warm. Ezio had a low tolerance for warmth, but he could stay in the snow and ice forever.
He remembered, then, the dream of the darkness and the cold. The woman he’d spoken to had said that they were in his soul, and he still didn’t know what that meant. Though she had explained the technical definition of what a destroyer was, Ezio wasn’t sure he fully understood.
How was he supposed to keep Morgyn from doing anything? Morgyn wasn’t the sort of person someone thought to control, by any means. Morgyn did whatever it was Morgyn wanted to do, and everyone else simply dealt with it, whatever the effects happened to be. Even if, somehow, he could control Morgyn, Ezio didn’t think he’d want to. He loved Morgyn for who the blond was, not who he thought Morgyn should be.
His lip was bleeding again. Ezio released a sigh, looking at it in the mirror, and then he pulled the towel off his hair, set it on the counter, and turned around to open the medicine cabinet on the wall. As he did, several black sticks fell out of it and clattered to the floor. Ezio made a face, kneeling down for a moment to pick them up. Morgyn’s eyeliner had apparently found its way into Ezio’s bathroom, and for the life of him he wasn’t sure – ohhh, no, now he remembered. Morgyn had ended up clinging to him one night because of a nightmare instead of sleeping in the dolt’s own room.
Ezio smiled softly, at that memory. He didn’t know what he’d do without Morgyn. Maybe he’d be a very different person, because it’d be like the other half of him was gone. Certainly, back in France, after Morgyn had gone, Ezio had started to turn into the cold and distant person that his magic’s default element would suggest he was. Then, he and Drake had made it to magic realm, and reunited with Morgyn, and it was like suddenly he saw the sun again.
He stood back up, setting the medicine he was after in the first place, and Morgyn’s eyeliner, on the counter. He’d take the pencils to the blond later. As he looked up at himself in the mirror, to deal with the blood his lip was leaking again, for just a moment, he was staring at someone else in the mirror where his reflection should have been. He sucked a breath in, but it was gone as quick as it came, and he blinked rapidly. He was used to spirits making him hallucinate, but, now that he thought about it, the eyes looking back at him were… his own.
Ezio frowned slightly, one hand reaching out and touching the mirror. Of course, nothing happened, but as he stared at his own eyes in the mirror, the more sure he was. But they were darker, around the lid, dusted in silver, his lips painted black. He tried to remember that split second flash, and the black cloak, fur trim, and black painted nails came to him. He looked like that in the dream. Was that what he’d been wearing? Black lipstick and eyeliner?
Caleb wore eyeliner, sometimes, and Caleb looked good in it. Actually, Ezio thought he was kind of cute. After a moment, though, Ezio loosed a “Pfft” sound. Ezio wasn’t terribly cute, actually, that was Morgyn. Ezio was the quiet one, the unassuming one in the back that wasn’t remarkable one way or another. He didn’t turn heads, or light up any rooms. Most never noticed he was there at all. The one that turned heads and lit up rooms was Morgyn. Morgyn was drop-dead stunning.
Ezio was just a poor imitation of Morgyn.
He shook his head, turning away from the eyeliner pencils, and turning to look at the mirror. This blood wasn’t taking care of itself.
Jackson should be leaving for Sulani either tomorrow or the next day. If Ezio hurried about it, he might be able to catch him in the Alley before Jackson went to Sulani. They could work things out, and, if he had to, he’d freeze Morgyn and Drake to something, maybe each other, until they calmed down and talked about everything.
Ezio didn’t want to give up on love. He didn’t want to give up on Jackson, so he wouldn’t.
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