Chapter 48: Overthought Everything I Can Think Of

Say My Name, ODESZA ft. Zyra

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This wasn’t going perfectly well, but certainly it was going better than Sarnai had been expecting. The barrier had begun to waver, and now it was only a matter of time until Sarnai figured out how to destroy it. On the other hand, one or the other of the spellcaster twins should be able to bypass the barrier entirely. Why do all that work, Sarnai figured, when it would be much easier to simply side-step it outright? Work smarter, right, not harder?

The dark-haired one was certainly very interesting. The blond one wasn’t uninteresting, but the dark-haired one had proven to be very powerful, powerful enough not to crumble in a fight against her instantaneously. For a spellcaster, that was impressive. He also wasn’t as susceptible to her mind powers as most. He’d proven that when he’d resisted them for so long, and then it’d suddenly cut off. Sarnai was curious to know what he’d done, but then, she supposed it didn’t terribly matter what he’d done.

He’d proven to be a worthy enough opponent. Unfortunately for him, he was still too weak, but she suspected it had little to do with his actual innate power levels and more to do with something else. The last time they’d battled, he seemed to wear down much quicker than most usually would. Sarnai had no idea what that meant. And she supposed it didn’t terribly matter, either, all things considered. Sooner or later, she’d have to figure out how to kill him. Or otherwise neutralise him, it was debatable which one she’d end up doing.

Maybe she’d just give him the honour of dying by her hand. He’d at least earned some peace.

Sarnai paced around the cave system she was working out of, thinking intently. If she couldn’t get one or the other of these twins to come quietly, of course, she’d need a backup plan, and she wasn’t certain the best one for that. Of course, she did have a sister, didn’t she… yes, and that sister was a spellcaster, if Sarnai remembered correctly. Perhaps this sister may come in handy for moving beyond the barrier. Ah, of course, that sister didn’t trust her very much, and truth be told, Sarnai couldn’t care much either way. She had things to do, curses to reverse, that sort of thing.

There was a slight shift in the air, and Sarnai’s gaze turned towards the cavern ceiling. She was getting about sick of this one’s interruptions, but she was proving useful. They had the same goal, no more, no less, and Sarnai held no love for the bitch. Neither did the bitch hold any love for her, though she seemed to think herself in charge of this operation, and that, simply, was not the truth.

Sarnai could snap her in two, if she felt so inclined. Thus far, to Aine’s great fortune, Sarnai had yet to feel so inclined, but her patience was beginning to wane somewhat thin.

The pale woman with blackened hair and silver eyes, so much like the dark-haired twin, stepped out of the shadows in a swirl of sparkling lights. Sarnai turned her gaze back to the cavern floor, and went back to pacing.

“You’re not making very much progress very quickly,” Aine said, stopping a few feet away from Sarnai and resting a hand on her hip.

“Of course we are not,” Sarnai answered. “Do you know how many vampires have tried to break magic realm’s defences? It is not exactly an easy task.”

Aine’s eyebrows raised. “That is surprising,” she said. “I always figured the vampires didn’t care.”

“Oh, there is always someone who takes offence to being told what to do and where to go,” Sarnai answered. “Unfortunately, your All is stronger than any of us expected it to be, and just hammering it sometimes is enough to give one a migraine.”

“You seem to be doing fine,” Aine said.

Sarnai released a snort. “Of course we are,” she said. “We are older than the All. It must try harder to give us a migraine.”

Aine gave her some kind of look. “You sound so sure about that.”

“We are,” Sarnai said. “Now, do you mind? We are thinking.”

“I need you to think faster,” Aine said. “If the Embers unite against us, then you’re never getting through that barrier because they will find a way to stop you, and the last thing we want them to decide to do is combine their magic.”

Sarnai reared her head back slightly, looking down her nose at the spellcaster. “We will get there,” Sarnai said, “when we get there.”

“Yes, but you need to get there faster,” Aine said.

“Watch your mouth,” Sarnai said, her eyes flickering with a very slight glow. “We are working with you, you do not command us.”

“I could change that,” Aine said, the threat obvious in her tone.

Sarnai’s gaze narrowed, and she reached out with one arm, catching Aine around the neck and slamming her into the cave wall behind her. Aine loosed a squeak, hands raising to pull at Sarnai’s hand.

“Watch your mouth,” Sarnai repeated, a slight bit of a snarl in her tone. “You have thus far been useful, but don’t push your luck, or your usefulness will run out.” For just a moment, Sarnai pressed against her throat and then suddenly let her go.

Aine fell to the cave floor, gasping for air.

Sarnai turned away, walking back to where she’d been before, her eyes on the light streaming through the cavern ceiling. It was beautiful down here. Sometimes, the temptation to give up, and let it all go, was a little too strong. She’d been fighting for so long. She was tired. But Ra needed her.

“You are a spellcaster,” she said, glancing over her shoulder at Aine as the woman stood up, still breathing heavily.

“Yes?” Aine asked.

“How is it that you cannot get through the barrier?” Sarnai asked.

Aine took a few more breaths, and then looked away. “The All has rejected me,” she said. “The barrier won’t open for me anymore.”

Sarnai smirked. “You pissed it off?” she asked. “Oh dear. Isn’t that awkward? What’d you do?”

Aine shook her head. “I didn’t do what untamed sages are meant to do,” she said.

Sarnai smiled, turning back to watching the light stream through the ceiling. “Well,” she said. “We suppose we have more in common than we first thought. We didn’t do what we were supposed to, either.”

* * *

Ezio still hadn’t spoken to the blond. Morgyn wasn’t surprised by that, he seemed to be more hurt than usual, and Morgyn probably should’ve expected it. Morgyn just couldn’t imagine choosing one over the other. And when the blond was siding with Aine, it wasn’t like that at all. It was just that, Ezio was usually the one that went claws out first. Then again, in hindsight, Morgyn had to wonder if it was really that Ezio was always losing his temper at her, or if it was more because she was always provoking it. Morgyn had never thought of it before.

Since Ezio wasn’t talking to the blond anymore, and Morgyn didn’t really know anyone else that lived in Spire, it took a few days, but eventually, Morgyn settled down in the seat beside Caleb one morning. Caleb glanced over at the blond, and then back at his homework. Morgyn tried not to look too crestfallen. If Caleb didn’t want to talk to Morgyn, then the blond couldn’t make him.

“Do you have a minute?” Morgyn asked.

Caleb shook his head. “Not really, but what do you want?”

Morgyn shrugged slightly, looking down at the table. “Someone to talk to, mostly,” the blond answered.

“About what?” Caleb asked.

Morgyn looked surprised. “Ezio and I got into a fight,” the blond said. “About Aine.”

Caleb didn’t look terribly surprised. “It was bound to happen eventually,” he said. “You know Ezio never did like her.”

“I know,” Morgyn answered. “And I don’t understand why.”

Caleb shrugged, setting his pen down. “She did have a notable habit of making you pretty miserable.”

And like always they did, when someone said something unflattering about Aine, Morgyn’s hackles raised, and the blond almost started to argue with Caleb about that. But then, stopped, and thought about it. If Ezio wasn’t the only one saying it, maybe there was something to it. “You don’t really believe that, do you?” Morgyn asked instead.

Caleb released a breath. “I’m just telling you what I saw,” he said. “You’d spend any amount of time around Aine, and one of two things would happen. You’d either suddenly have a nasty attitude for a few days for no logical reason, or you’d become very depressed and devoid of any personality to speak of, no interest in anything. The same thing Ezio did after spending time around his less savoury boyfriends, come to think.”

Ezio had said more or less the same thing. Morgyn sighed. “She just, she was a tough mentor, that’s all,” Morgyn said. “A lot of weird expectations to live up to and stuff, and sometimes it became too much but I’m stronger now because of her.”

“Are you?” Caleb asked. “I have to wonder about that, sometimes, and I don’t mean to be rude about it but I think you’re weaker in some aspects than you were fifty years ago. And I don’t think that’s a coincidence.”

Morgyn frowned. “I just had to get over some things, that’s all. She did mean well.”

Caleb released another sigh. “In other news, you should tell Ezio to quit wearing dresses. He’s got too masculine of a build for a dress, it does no favours for his figure and he just kind of turns into a weird, unnatural mess. I mean, what is he even going for?”

Morgyn blinked, expression going almost completely blank. What? No, what? For a long moment, Morgyn was just confused, and then the rage bubbled up, and the blond’s face twisted up in fury.

“Yeah,” Caleb said. “There you go. Now you get it.”

Morgyn must’ve looked even more confused around the indignant rage, because Caleb snorted.

“If I’d said it any nicer,” he went on, “you wouldn’t have reacted emotionally the right way to get the point. So if it’s not okay for even me to say that about Ezio, why was it okay for Aine to say it about you, to your face?”

Morgyn blinked, and some of the rage that had bubbled up petered out. And Morgyn thought about that, for a moment, though the blond was confused. In thinking of it, Morgyn could remember several times where Aine had said almost exactly that to the blond. She’d never said anything like that about Ezio, but Ezio hadn’t gotten into makeup and wearing dresses until she was long gone, and to be honest, thank the stars for that much. Morgyn wasn’t sure if the blond could’ve handled that mess.

“I see,” Morgyn said softly.

Caleb tilted his head. “You know,” he said, “every time Ezio went after Aine, it was because she’d gone after you first. He wasn’t just fighting with her, Morgyn. He was fighting her for you.”

Was he? Morgyn’s gaze went to the ceiling in thought, considering it. Every instance that came to mind, Morgyn had to admit, was right after Aine had said something hurtful to Morgyn. But the blond always figured it was a matter of being overly sensitive. Morgyn released a sigh, and fell over onto the table.

Caleb looked over at the blond. “It’ll work out,” he said. “Ezio still loves you, you know. I can see that.”

Morgyn glanced up at him. “I keep messing up,” the blond said.

“Yeah,” Caleb said. “But everyone does that from time to time, and Ezio’s never held that against you before. I don’t imagine that’ll suddenly change now. Loving and taking care of you is pretty much Ezio’s only consistent personality trait.”

Morgyn snorted. “I guess you’re right, but that’s not a very fair thing to say. He’s also pretty consistently skittish.”

Caleb loosed a snort, and then picked his pen back up. For a moment, he just stared at the patterning on it, and then looked up at Morgyn. “Morgyn,” he said, “I think we should go back to being friends.”

“What?” Morgyn asked, sitting up. “Caleb no, it’s-we just had a little misunderstanding it’s not worth giving up over.”

Caleb shook his head. “No, Morgyn, I just don’t think we’re as compatible as lovers as it first seemed like.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Morgyn said. “We were happy, you were happy-“

“No I wasn’t,” Caleb said. “And I can’t ask you not to be you anymore.”

“I-is this because of my work?” Morgyn asked. “I can-Caleb I’ll stop, I’ll figure something out, please-“

“Stop it,” Caleb said. “It’s that, and so many other things, and most of them are my own problem. Morgyn no one makes me happier than you do.”

“Then why are you-we can figure it out,” Morgyn spluttered, the tears falling before Morgyn even knew they were there at all.

Caleb smiled sadly, reaching up and taking Morgyn’s face in his hands, his thumb brushing away the tears. “I’m tired of making you cry,” he said. “You’re the one for me, but I don’t think I’m the one for you.”

“What?” Morgyn asked, head shaking. “No, Caleb, that’s not-you’re not-“

“Hey,” Caleb said, leaning over a little to catch Morgyn’s gaze. “You’ll be okay. It’ll be just like it was before, just good friends again. And someday, you won’t even remember we ever dated at all.”

Morgyn wanted to argue more, but Caleb just patted the blond’s cheek, gathered up his homework, and walked away. And Morgyn knew, then, that all the stories and the fairytales had lied. Love wasn’t just a beautiful, wonderous thing. It was also a drowning emptiness, a kind of darkness that had no words.

Love was the most beautiful thing, and was also the most horrific.

* * *

Ezio was angry with the blond. Caleb had walked away. Lilith was busy doing whatever it was she was doing, Morgyn hadn’t ever gotten the opportunity to ask. L and Simeon hadn’t contacted the blond in so long it was a little bit ridiculous. Morgyn was starting to feel a little bit alone, but that wasn’t anything new. Everyone had their own things they were dealing with and didn’t have time for Morgyn’s things, and that was to be expected.

Still, life moved on, even if it felt like nothing would ever be right again. Morgyn wanted to curl up in a ball in bed and never come back out again. Until the blond had become numb from the pain and nothing mattered anymore. But emotions didn’t work that way. There was no ‘off’ position for them, though Morgyn had tried to find one over the course of many years.

The blond wandered around Britechester’s campus, not going anywhere in particular, just loitering because no one would stop Morgyn from doing that. It was better to be out here, in the sunlight and slight breeze of spring, watching the flowers sway in the wind, than at home, where it felt like everyone was angry with Morgyn at once.

It’d be summer, soon. Only a handful of weeks or so, if Morgyn was remembering correctly, and classes would end for the summer. Morgyn would have to figure out what to do for the summer. Honestly, the blond saw a lot of drinking and fucking in the future. Morgyn had already been very temped to get drunk, find a bar and have a long night with a beautiful stranger, which they all were when Morgyn was drunk enough. But Ezio’s words echoed in the blond’s head. It only made it worse.

As the blond walked along, someone else came up and started walking beside Morgyn, and really, the scent gave away who it was. She had a very distinct rice scent to her, and something else but Morgyn had never really identified it. It was one of those scents that couldn’t necessarily be identified in the first place, and if the blond had to guess, that was the scent that was her.

It was weirdly calming, and worked with the scent of the sticky rice very well.

“You look upset,” Liberty said, kind of nonchalantly.

Morgyn took a breath in, and glanced down at the concrete as they walked. “I bet I do,” Morgyn said. “Caleb and I broke up.”

“Oh no,” Liberty said. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Are you okay?”

Morgyn’s head shook. “Not really,” the blond said. “But I will be, I think, eventually. My brother’s angry with me, too, just kind of feel a little alone right now.”

Liberty pouted slightly, and then smiled. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m here,” she said. “And I know it’s not the same thing exactly but I hope it helps a little at least. Do you want to talk about it?”

The blond smiled slightly, though it didn’t reach Morgyn’s eyes. “I’m not sure what to say,” Morgyn answered. “It all happened so fast, we were dating and things were going so great and I was so happy and I thought he was too. And then suddenly everything fell apart. I told him I’d stop working, if that was what he wanted, I love him more than I like making money, and I could quit university until I figure out how to pay for it, it doesn’t matter. I meant all that.”

Liberty frowned. “What’d he say?” she asked.

“He said I was the one for him, but he doesn’t think he’s the one for me,” Morgyn said. “What the fuck does that even mean?”

Liberty raised an eyebrow, and then her mismatched eyes turned up towards the sky. “Well, maybe he meant that he thinks he loves you more than you love him? Hmm. Oh, or, he feels like he doesn’t live up to who he thinks you deserve in his head.”

Morgyn glanced over at her. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” the blond said. “I’ve loved him for almost a hundred years!”

Liberty blinked, eyes widening slightly, and she turned to look at the blond. “I’m sorry, how long?”

Morgyn glanced at her again, and then sighed. “I’m two hundred and seventy something,” Morgyn said.

Liberty stared for a moment. “Oh.” And then she stared some more. “… that explains why you’re so quirky.”

Morgyn snorted. “I’m sure it does,” the blond said. “Wait, you’re not bothered by that?”

“No,” Liberty said, shaking her head. “I mean, it sounds like a bit much but I believe you. I mean, you did kind of make fire in front of me. I figure I’ll just believe you until you give me a reason not to.”

Once again, Morgyn was struck by how easy-going she was, and how quickly she just, accepted preposterous things. Maybe internally she thought something differently, but she at least had the kindness not to show it.

“Say, out of curiosity,” Liberty started, “does your Caleb happen to have dark brown hair, kind of longer on one side, bit spiky, grey eyes, really pale?”

Morgyn nodded, and then pulled the blond’s phone out. Some flipping through, and Morgyn showed Liberty the screen, a picture of the two of them out on one of their dates. “That’s him.”

Liberty smiled. “You look so happy,” she said. “We’ve met before, me and Caleb.”

“Really?” Morgyn asked.

“Yeah, I kind of walked into him,” Liberty answered. “We’re not friends or anything, but we talk from time to time, mutually complaining about school, and sometimes he asks me where something is.”

Morgyn considered it for a moment, turning the phone screen off and putting it back in a pocket. “If he lets you,” Morgyn said, “please, be his friend. I think he doesn’t really have any besides me, and he could use one. You make a good one.”

Liberty smiled. “Well, I’m glad you think so,” she said. “I can’t make any promises, but, I’ll try.”

Morgyn nodded. “Thank you.”

“So, am I supposed to be really good at magic?” Liberty asked. “I’ve never been really good at anything.”

Morgyn looked amused. “You’ll do fine I’m sure,” the blond said. Liberty was one of the Li family, the oldest of the five families, and she wasn’t terribly blooded out either, it was hard to imagine she wouldn’t be decently good at magic. Maybe it’d take some time to adjust and learn, but Morgyn thought she could do it.

“Charity will probably be better at it than me,” Liberty said. “The little sister is always better than me at everything.”

Morgyn looked a bit wryly at her. “I think you’ll be fine,” Morgyn said. “But you won’t really know until you try it.” Come to think of it, Liberty did have a sibling… “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Liberty said, glancing over at the blond.

Morgyn nodded over at one of the benches, and the two meandered over and sat down.

“I had a teacher, once,” Morgyn said. “She was kind of like the mother I lost a long time ago, or at least, I really wanted her to be. … you know I’m transgender, right?”

Liberty blinked. “Hmm, didn’t know for sure, but that makes sense, go on.”

“Um, are you sure?” Morgyn asked.

“Oh come on,” Liberty said. “You do magic and are two hundred seventy something, do you really think it’ll be the transgender thing that throws me off? That is one of the most mundane things you’ve ever said about yourself!”

“Too many forks or something,” Morgyn answered.

“So are you he or something else?” Liberty asked.

“Um, he is fine,” Morgyn said. “I don’t really have any pronouns at all.”

“Really?” Liberty asked, looking surprised.

“My brother, he avoids using gendered words with me entirely,” Morgyn explained. “It’s a lot harder in our native French, but works okay in Simlish.”

“You’re French, huh?”

“Yep,” Morgyn said. “Je suis Francais.”

“That’s pretty neat,” Liberty said. “I’ve always loved the sound of French words. Baguette. Anyway, you were telling a story about your teacher.”

“Right, yeah,” Morgyn said, smiling slightly. Baguette? Well, Morgyn supposed that sounded interesting to someone that didn’t speak an Indo-European language. Anyway. “She didn’t take the whole not being female thing very well. I’m not exactly transgender, it’s more like I don’t feel like either one, not really in the middle, not really both, but sometimes one or the other feels a little more right than normal. It’s all a mess even in my head, but Aine always said that I was born a woman, and I would die one, too.

“I really wanted her to be proud of me. I think I did a lot of things I shouldn’t have trying to earn her pride in me. Ezio never liked her. He always said she was hurting me and I didn’t want to believe it because it felt like if I lost her then…” Morgyn breathed out. “I don’t know. She and Ezio fought all the time. I hated it, because I cared about them both and I didn’t know what to do with it so I blocked it all out. Ezio says that I would always defend her, and not him. And he’s right. I never did defend him from her.”

“That’s why he’s upset with you?” Liberty asked.

“Yeah,” Morgyn said. “I don’t know how to make this right. I’m afraid I can’t.”

Liberty breathed out. “How long ago was this?” she asked.

“Mm, Aine disappeared-er, sort of-about thirty… six? Years ago,” Morgyn said. “Something like that.”

“Well, it’s been this long and it’s only now coming up,” Liberty said. “I think it’s safe enough to assume Ezio loves you more than he’s hurt. But he is hurt, and I can understand why.”

Morgyn frowned. “Could you explain it?” Morgyn asked. “I don’t understand.”

Liberty went quiet, for a moment, looking up at the sky. “Sibling relationships are complicated,” Liberty said. “Charity and I seem to hate each other, you know, but even as harshly as we fight, we’d never hurt each other that way on purpose. I may not like it if someday she says that someone I care about is hurting me, I may not want to hear it. But I’d trust her judgement and understand that her heart’s in the right place. It comes from a place of caring, Morgyn, a place of love, and if nothing else, he believed it. Telling him that he’s wrong, or defending Aine from his accusations, it only tells him that you don’t have any trust or faith in him. That you don’t believe in him enough to try believing in what he believes. Does that make sense?”

Morgyn sighed. Yeah, that made sense. Damn it, why was Morgyn such an idiot? The blond’s hands raised up and smacked Morgyn in the face a few times, before Liberty reached over and took them in her own hands.

“Come on,” she said quietly. “It’ll work out. He probably just needs some time to be hurt, before he can rationalise through it and forgive you.”

“He’s the only one that’s ever believed in me, Libs,” Morgyn said. “Damn it, what have I done?”

Liberty smiled. “Libs…” she said. “I like that. Hey, what you did is make a mistake. Just own it, and when he’ll let you, try and make amends for it. All we can do is keep moving forwards.”

* * *

It was hard to go through these, but, Morgyn wanted to better remember what things used to be like, when Aine was still there and Morgyn still loved her. These albums and scrapbooks were old and somewhat worn around the edges, but they didn’t look to have been bothered in a long time. Like Morgyn had made them, and then put them in some dusty corner and forgotten all about them.

That, very likely, was the truth. It’d been too much, too painful, something, for Morgyn to bother looking at these once they were made, and some part of the sage wondered why. Why were these too painful?

Morgyn flipped the first scrapbook open. The first set of pages were just mundane things, playing chess with Ezio (look at how weird he looked without all of his makeup), a very too-girly Morgyn holding a cup of coffee and talking to L by the stairs in magic realm. L used to be so pudgy, what a cute little squat young woman she’d been. Morgyn smiled slightly, reaching over with one hand, fingers running over the plastic protecting the picture.

This one down here was of Simeon and Ezio working on a potion together. The one below it, after it’d exploded in their faces. Morgyn laughed quietly under the blond’s breath. If Morgyn recalled, that one had thrown Ezio off the balcony, but he’d transportalated back up quickly enough he didn’t damage anything.

The blond flipped the page, smiling at the next set of images. This one here was after the group had spent too much time drinking, and decided to spend the rest of the night flopped over each other making funny faces. Ezio was the only sober one. Well, Drake was too, but he seemed to be absent in these. Maybe he had the camera.

There was one with Aine in it. She was sitting down in front of a cauldron, reading something, holding the book up in front of her face to block the camera. Morgyn frowned, and flipped through the pages. Most of these were lacking images of Aine, and when she did appear in any of them, she looked like she didn’t want to be there.

Morgyn flipped through a few more pages, finding a lot of pictures of Ezio and several of Drake, a few of L and Simeon, this one was Keisha and Ethren… there was one where Aine wasn’t holding her hand or a book or something up to block the camera. She was doing something else, though, and Morgyn couldn’t quite figure it out.

No, the blond knew exactly what she was doing. Magic, it looked like, judging by the slight smudges on the photo that Morgyn thought were magical lights. But what was she aiming at? Morgyn’s green eyes follow the trail across the photo, and then smeared some of the dust off the plastic jacket. There was a cauldron right there. Oh, okay. Morgyn didn’t remember this photo. When was this taken, anyway…

The blond pulled the corner of the plastic jacket up, sliding the photo out, and turning it over. The back of it read KODAK 1968. Yeah, Morgyn didn’t remember this photo, and wasn’t sure whose handwriting this was on the back. Morgyn couldn’t even read the handwritten part. That was strange. Maybe Ezio or Drake knew where this one had come from.

Morgyn’s head shook, and the blond set the photo down on the stack of journals that Morgyn had also dug out of the back of the closet. But as Morgyn’s thumb came off the photo, there in the corner, was a smudge of colour. Morgyn picked it back up, looking at it under the lamp light. It looked like someone’s arm and shoulder, just past the cauldron, wearing a striped shirt. Morgyn couldn’t tell what colour it was, the colours had faded so much by this point, but the blond supposed it didn’t matter.

Maybe it was one of Aine’s friends. That seemed like it’d be about right, thinking about it. Morgyn set the photo back down, going back to flipping through the scrapbook, but nothing changed. When Aine appeared in photos, and rarely did she, she looked like she didn’t want to be there.

Morgyn loosed a sigh, closing the scrapbook and pushing it away across the floor. Morgyn then turned to the stack of journals, moving the befuddling image of Aine onto the scrapbook, and opening the journal that was on the top of the stack. All of these were Morgyn’s old journals, from way back when. This one, Morgyn was dating its entries for 1966. The next one was 1967… Morgyn pulled the third one out, the entries dated for 1968, and flipped through it.

In the corners of the pages, Morgyn had made little doodles, stars and moons, swirls and Celtic knots. Morgyn smiled a little, seeing them. One of the pages had Ezio and Drake doodles in the corner. Surprisingly, they weren’t kissing.

Aine said it again, the first line of that page read. About how I’m a girl and I’ll always be one. I mentioned it to Ezio on accident. He got angry. He didn’t seem angry, outwardly, but I could see it in how he moved after that. He told me that I’m whatever I want to be, because human gender is more complicated than biological sex. I still don’t understand what that means.

Why does Aine always have to say things like that? I’m not saying male and female don’t exist or are irrelevant, I’m just saying they don’t feel right for me. It’s not the same thing. And maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know, I just know how I feel and I wish Aine would be more understanding of how I feel.

At least Ezio doesn’t think I’m crazy. At least someone believes in me.

Morgyn’s eyes narrowed, unconsciously running a hand down the page. The blond skimmed the rest of it, flipping the pages. Most entries that mentioned Aine were very similar to that. Morgyn closed that journal, and then reached down towards the bottom of the stack, and pulled another one out. These were dated 1982, a few years before Aine disappeared. Well, Morgyn chased her out, rather.

I borrowed one of Ezio’s shirts today, the first entry in it said. Aine about had a cow. Something about how it was unflattering to my figure and it was too loose and it made me look like a weird, unnatural mess. Caleb was right. She’d said that, word for fucking word. How had he remembered that, and Morgyn had forgotten it?

Ezio didn’t seem to mind any. Come to think of it, Ezio didn’t seem to notice. That’s weird. He should recognise his own shirts, one would think. Oh well, at least he won’t think too hard about me borrowing his shirts. It’s stupid, but, wearing his shirts, they smell like him, and I feel stronger, somehow. Like, maybe there’s a little Ezio in me somewhere. He’s the strongest person I know. And when I lose my way, it’s him I look for to find it again.

Damn it. Morgyn closed the journal, setting it back on the stacks, and then stood up, pulling a jacket out of the closet and heading downstairs to the elevator.

Morgyn couldn’t lose Ezio, not over this.

---

I don’t know what she’s doing. The ghosts in magic realm, there used to be dozens of them. I remember some of them. I can’t see them as well as Ezio can, but some of the older ones are strong enough that I can kind of make them out, as odd shaped blurs. They’re vanishing, and all I know is Aine’s eyes, they keep turning that sickly green colour.

I’ve only seen that colour once before, when Ezio and I were very young. We’d gotten lost in the woods, and met some dangerous spirits. They were so angry, and powerful, I could see them as a little more than just odd shaped blurs. Ezio tried to calm them, but one went into him. Ice went everywhere, and I thought I was going to lose him, but his eyes turned that green shade, and he threw the spirit back out of him.

It was the first time I’d ever seen him use his necromancy, and the last. It terrified me.

She’s using her necromancy, for something, and I don’t imagine the spirits vanishing doesn’t have anything to do with it. Ezio would never do that. I believe that.

I believe it.

I’m scared. I can’t fight a necromancer. And I don’t want Ezio to try doing it.

Someone, anyone, please, help me.

* * *

He had to be here somewhere. Ezio had a class that ran late out here, Morgyn knew it, and the blond was hoping to catch him before he went home. Morgyn couldn’t wait that long. Maybe he was right, about Aine, maybe he wasn’t, Morgyn didn’t know and didn’t really care right now. What the blond cared about was him. Because no one else had ever believed in Morgyn so thoroughly as Ezio had, and Morgyn didn’t want Aine to come between them.

Morgyn scurried from one end of campus to the other, trying to find any little thread of his magic the blond could sense. Ezio was usually very good at keeping a lid on his magic (Morgyn could use to learn that trick at some point), unless he was very upset, then it kind of leaked ice everywhere. It was a good thing Morgyn’s didn’t do that, that could be disastrous. A slight little bit of chill in the air caught Morgyn’s attention, and the blond turned towards it.

That was him.

Morgyn bolted that direction, weaving around the flowers, trying not to destroy them along the way. The blond turned a corner, and almost ran smack into Ezio. He stopped, looking surprised, and then breathed out, and moved around Morgyn, continuing on his way.

He really was upset. Morgyn frowned, but turned around and followed.

“Ezio,” Morgyn said, “Ezio please talk to me.”

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even indicate at all that he’d heard anything Morgyn said. Morgyn understood why, but some part of the blond’s heart broke a little more anyway. This was all her fault. If Morgyn had just listened to Ezio in the first place…

“Please, I know I messed up, I just want to talk,” Morgyn said.

And still, Ezio kept going, pretending that Morgyn wasn’t there.

Morgyn stopped, watching him go. “Ezio please!” the blond said. “Please you’re the only one that’s ever believed in me, and I haven’t been making the right choices or being a very good sibling and I’m sorry! But I still need you! Please, I need you, and I want to make this right, please.”

“Stop it,” Ezio said, pausing in his stride and looking over his shoulder. And for a moment, his face shadowed as it was, pale eyes lit by the setting sun behind him, Morgyn understood how so many people found him so intimidating. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“Ezio…”

“It still hurts,” Ezio went on. “And I have to find the ability through that hurt to forgive you, and I haven’t yet. I will someday. But that day isn’t today.”

Morgyn’s vision blurred, but the blond looked down at the concrete, trying not to start crying. He had every right to decide he didn’t want to talk about this. Morgyn just needed him, that was all. But what Ezio needed right now, maybe it was a little more important. Morgyn’s eyes squeezed shut, and Morgyn breathed to try and get some control over it, but then suddenly something slammed into the blond’s side. Morgyn loosed a squeal, something exploding where the blond had just been, and then Morgyn and Ezio rolled to a stop.

Ezio looked up at something and hissed, standing up and holding both hands out. Blades of ice formed in his hands, and immediately, Ezio disappeared.

“Wait Ezio no!” Morgyn shrieked, but he was already going after that blasted purple-eyed vampire. Morgyn loosed a breath, and then stood up and shot after them.

Ezio moved too fast for Morgyn to keep up with. The vampire was having a little more luck with it, but he was still injured from the last fight he’d gotten into with her. It was hard to imagine he could keep up with her for very long.

He was blending that martial arts skill he learnt a couple decades back into his fighting. It looked almost like an intricate, deadly dance. Morgyn’s eyes couldn’t keep up with them either, so the blond mostly stayed out of the way, occasionally throwing a burst of flame or helping block psychic attacks as they went. Morgyn was worried, because he was a little off-balance at the end of the last battle. It meant she’d pushed him far enough his heart was acting up, and the blond didn’t know how it was going to behave for this one.

Morgyn tried not to think about it too hard, instead, staying calm, and watching them move around. Occasionally, Ezio would throw an ice blade, and then use a teleporting skill Morgyn had never seen before to suddenly appear where the blade was. That was kind of nifty. Morgyn had to wonder if it was easier on his heart. The blond knew Ezio’s heart didn’t take well to consistent transportalation. It was only a handful of times he could use it in rapid succession before his heart started acting up.

The blond threw a burst of fire and the vampire dodged it; but Ezio redirected it with one of the blades. The vampire disappeared in a burst of mist, but not quite in time. She loosed a loud shriek, and then fell out of the mist. Ezio had redirected it to catch her arm on fire again. That did seem to be fairly effective.

She rolled around screaming a little, and then stood up, and disappeared. And Morgyn breathed out a sigh of relief. She was getting insistent, and Morgyn wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Was Ezio right? Had Aine sent her, or was she working alone? That was hard to determine.

Ezio wobbled and then fell, slamming one of the ice blades into the grass to catch himself. Morgyn squeaked and scurried over to him. He seemed okay, not very cut up this time, just tired.

“Ezio, are you okay?” Morgyn asked.

“Yeah,” Ezio grunted.

“Thank you,” Morgyn said.

Ezio breathed out, and shook his head. “No matter how angry you make me,” he said, “I still love you, and I always will. I just need some space, and time.” He paused for a moment, and then huffed. “And maybe some help getting back up.”

Morgyn looked amused, then shifted around to support him.

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