Chapter 66: Running Out of Time

Hello; Adele

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Some time ago by now, she’d decided she wasn’t terribly fond of how bright the lights were in hospitals. Cassandra had been fortunate enough thus far to never need to be in one. Anymore, she envied her younger self never needing to be in a hospital. She wished she hadn’t needed to be in this one right now, but Ezio was still recovering, and would likely be for a while yet.

Cassandra flipped between being restless and being too still. They’d only been here a couple days now, but she’d ended up in something of a cycle. She’d spend an entire day pacing around incessantly, and then the next day she’d sit on the couch, and not move for hours at a time, move long enough to get something to drink, eat, or to use the bathroom, and then go right back to not moving. Morgyn said it was starting to become rather weird, but everything about Cassandra Goth was weird.

She hoped, someday, that may be everything about Cassandra Ember was weird.

Today, she paced up and down the hallways, turning down other hallways at complete random, not truly caring where she went. If anything happened with Ezio, she’d know, because Drake would come find her, or Morgyn would. If nothing else, Morgyn’s screaming happened to be rather loud, and Cassandra suspected if Ezio died, it’d be heard for miles around.

As she walked, someone fell into step beside her. Cassandra didn’t need to glance over to know that it was Ezio, pacing along beside her.

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said. “Morgyn had about a thousand questions.”

Cassandra looked over at him. Morgyn always had about a thousand questions. Ezio hadn’t even changed out of what the hospital had put him in. “I wasn’t here very long,” she said. “And anyway, it’s not like we agreed on a time to meet up or anything.”

“You don’t remember?” he asked, tilting his head.

Cassandra shook hers. “Setting a time? Nope,” she answered. The last time they’d spoken was… come to think of it, she couldn’t recall now. Obviously, it was definitely sometime before Sarnai, but Sarnai seemed so very long ago.

Ezio smiled, that soft, quiet expression he only ever made for her. He had a different one, for Drake. “You don’t have to remember, at least,” he said. “What are you pacing around for?”

Because she was pacing around? Then, she remembered, she was having trouble with the ghosts. Truth be told, Cassandra had no earthly idea how Ezio could handle this day in and day out. It wasn’t even to say that he spent less time in hospitals than she did. He spent more most likely.

“I’m just having trouble with the ghosts,” she said. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” he asked.

“Tell them apart from the living,” Cassandra answered. “They look… much the same.” Ezio had told her once, that her inability to tell the two apart was directly related to how strong a necromancer she was. She, like he did, saw them very clearly, so clearly, they were visually indistinguishable.

“I had trouble with that at first, too,” Ezio said. “But it’s actually quite simple. Do you remember, when I was teaching you how to sense them? There were a few reasons to that madness. Emotions emit an energy, and that energy is normally contained by your body. When you’re a ghost, there’s no barrier between that energy and everything else. Ghosts leak it constantly, as a side effect. When you’re looking at one, you’ll always feel something, even if it’s weak. And that’s how you know.”

Cassandra raised an eyebrow, thinking about that. Come to think of it, she’d gotten things like that off a number of them, but not others. Obviously, it wouldn’t work with a human. Then, she looked over at Ezio, and then her eyebrows furrowed together.

“Ezio,” she said, “I can kind of feel something from you.”

Ezio stopped, turning to look at her, and smiled again. The look in his eyes, it made something go off in her head. No. Not him. She shook her head, backing away, and then turned for the stairs that led to his room.

“Cassandra,” he called after her, “it’s okay.”

“No it isn’t!” she answered, and ran up the stairs. She didn’t even feel her foot hit the first step before her arm jerked off the bed and she fell right off. Cassandra bolted upright, catching herself from falling to the floor, and then she stopped, standing up and holding a hand out, hovering near Ezio’s much longer than usual hair.

Her head turned up, eyes watching the heart monitor, breath coming in rapid, frantic bursts. Then, her breathing evened out. The monitor was beeping softly in its usual rhythm. Ezio was still breathing. He wasn’t a ghost just yet. It was a dream.

Cassandra closed her eyes, releasing a breath, her hand gently dropping onto Ezio’s hair. It was all a dream.

“Are you okay?” a voice asked, and Cassandra jumped and turned around. Drake was in a chair not far, his notebook in his lap. He still had to do his job, of course, so he’d brought his work to the hospital, instead of leaving. If Cassandra had work to do that wasn’t as messy as painting, she’d do the same, probably.

“Yeah,” she answered, breathing out.

“Nightmare?” Drake asked.

Cassandra nodded, detaching some of the wires she’d incidentally tangled herself in from her, before sitting back down. Her hand took one of Ezio’s. Sometimes, her dreams, even her nightmares, came true. She was afraid this was one of them that would.

“How are you holding up?” Cassandra asked, looking over at him.

He seemed surprised, looking up at her, but then shrugged a shoulder. “I’m fine,” he answered.

Cassandra released a sigh. “No, you’re not,” she said. “But I won’t push. If you ever decide you want someone to talk to, though, I’m always here.” It wasn’t like she had anything better to be doing. And besides, she’d learnt this much from watching Drake and Ezio; for a very, very long time, they were all they had. And it showed, at least in Drake’s mannerisms. He didn’t really have anyone else to turn to, when Ezio wasn’t there anymore.

Cassandra wasn’t silly enough to think that she could replace either one.

Drake didn’t answer. Instead, he turned back down to his notebook, and the sound of a pen scratching against paper filled the room. It mingled very well with the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, the sound of Ezio’s soft puffs of breath.

She felt about useless in this mess, not able to help Drake or Ezio, but then, Morgyn didn’t seem to be able to help, either. Maybe no one and nothing could. Maybe this was doomed from the start to turn out terribly. Things didn’t like to go well, it’d seem.

“You don’t think…” Cassandra started, “Ezio is going to…” She couldn’t make herself say it, even hypothetically. The mere idea that it was a possibility was almost too much for her to deal with. She couldn’t imagine losing him already, but these things never were very fair.

“I don’t know,” Drake answered, not looking up. “And to be honest, I hope I never do. But I do know that for 244 years, he was mine. I guess that’ll have to be enough.”

* * *

They hadn’t been here very long, but all the same, it felt like it’d been far too long. Ezio was still breathing, his heart was still beating, if occasionally somewhat weakly, and by all means, Morgyn should be pleased with that. Right now, it didn’t feel like enough.

Morgyn sat on the back stairs, outside the hospital in the breeze, listening to the birds chirp, and smoking a joint. Quite some time ago, Morgyn had gotten a medical marijuana card. Was it legit? It was legit enough to keep the doctors and nurses off the brunet’s ass about getting high behind the hospital, and that was good enough.

Somewhere between the first and second half of the joint in Morgyn’s hand, Caleb shuffled outside, sitting down beside Morgyn. Neither said anything at first, Morgyn playing with the smoke, Caleb watching.

“Is that a good idea?” Caleb asked. “Drugs can really mess with your head.”

That was part of the point. Morgyn just took another drag, and shrugged one shoulder. “It keeps me from being a total wreck, and helps me sleep. The benefits outweigh the risks on this one, I should think.” Then, Morgyn always felt that way with marijuana. There were occasional problems from its use, but the benefits of it were too great to ignore, particularly with someone like Morgyn.

And it was better that Morgyn was high, than drunk. Nobody liked drunk Morgyn. Drunk Morgyn was a slutty bitch. Morgyn got the strange feeling dragging a medical intern into a closet for an hour or so would be quite terrible for the brunet’s engagement status, and, thank you very much, Morgyn was quite happy with the current status and had no interest in changing it.

“How long have you been doing that stuff, anyway?” Caleb asked, nodding at the joint.

“Maybe a few decades by now,” Morgyn answered. “Kind of started it on accident, probably way back in the sixties somewhere. I’m not on it enough to be considered a stoner if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Caleb shook his head. “Not worried about that,” he said. “I just… didn’t know.”

It wasn’t like Morgyn broadcast it or anything, so of course he didn’t know. Morgyn much preferred it that way, too. Morgyn might be a lot more extroverted than Ezio ever was, but Morgyn dealt with things alone sometimes, too. It was better than trying to explain these kinds of things and end up making it sound worse than it was, or like something it wasn’t.

And Caleb, Morgyn was never entirely sure how he’d take the stray drug habit. Granted, Morgyn got high maybe once every few months or so (compared to the drinking habit, the drug habit was barely even there), but people took things in weird ways sometimes.

“Please tell me,” Morgyn said, taking another drag, “you’re not one of those people that hates drug use of any kind.”

Caleb loosed a loud snort. “Do you remember, when we broke up?” he asked, looking over at Morgyn. “I was on synthetic cannabinoids.”

Oh. Morgyn’s head tilted to one side. “I see,” the brunet said. “Well, that explains some shit.” It explained a number of things. He must’ve incidentally quit while he was taking care of Lilith. But that made sense, too, Lilith needed him at the time, and certainly that was more important.

“You’re not mad?” Caleb asked.

Morgyn loosed a snort. “I’m high, Caleb,” Morgyn answered. “I don’t think I’m capable of getting mad when I’m high. But you know, I could’ve just shared the real stuff with you. Much less damaging.”

“I didn’t even know you did marijuana,” Caleb answered.

“Well, now you do I guess,” Morgyn said, taking another drag and releasing a breath with the smoke. They were quiet for a long moment, and then Morgyn looked down at the concrete.

“He’s not going to make it out of this, is he,” Morgyn said, and though it was worded like a question, it wasn’t toned that way.

Caleb reached over, taking Morgyn’s hand. “I think he can,” Caleb said.

“You keep saying that,” Morgyn said, looking up at the fence. “But I can see it in your eyes. You don’t really believe that. No one does, and we’re all just saying it so we don’t all lose our shit at once.”

Caleb frowned, but he didn’t argue with that assessment, either. Because Morgyn was right, and everyone knew it, if they bothered to stop trying to run from it for a few moments. Of course, it was easier to pretend it wasn’t happening and run away from it, but the easy thing, most often, wasn’t the right thing and unfortunately, they all knew that, too.

“Maybe,” Caleb answered. “But maybe in being positive about it, it’ll make miracles happen.”

“Cause he sure as fuck needs one of those,” Morgyn answered. “If he doesn’t make it, I think I’ll go back to magic realm, and stay there.” Ezio was the reason Morgyn came out here. He always was. And without him, there was no reason to be here.

“I don’t think Ezio would really want that for you,” Caleb said, his tone soft and delicate.

“No,” Morgyn answered. “I don’t think he would either. But he’d be gone and what he wants wouldn’t really matter anymore.”

* * *

Caleb wasn’t so weird about touching Morgyn anymore. It was just as well. Morgyn hadn’t gotten drunk and made money in a while, and quite truthfully, after that mess Liberty had interrupted, the brunet didn’t think it’d ever happen again. Morgyn didn’t think the brunet was capable of doing it again after that, and maybe that wasn’t surprising.

Summer was just around the corner, and temperatures were notably raising. It was probably the only reason the brunet could stand lying next to Caleb, not a damn scrap of fabric on either of them, because normally, Morgyn got cold relatively easily. Idly, Caleb’s fingers ran gently up and down Morgyn’s side.

Cassandra had gone home to see her parents, so there wasn’t any hurry to get up and do anything. Morgyn had about a thousand things to do before the end of term, but the brunet could give not one single iota of a fuck about any of those things right now. Simeon was busy because Lana was pregnant, and L had lost her magic, so who even knew how magic realm was doing. Morgyn hadn’t gone back since they’d freed the All.

Morgyn wasn’t on very good internal terms with magic realm, just now.

“Do you need to go anywhere?” Morgyn asked, watching the sunlight start to filter through the blinds. If Caleb had somewhere to be, then maybe Morgyn could get up a bit faster. The brunet had slept like a rock, between getting high as the sky, and ending up in Caleb’s arms half the night. Morgyn had ended up in his lap this time, instead of under him. It worked out a lot better that way, the brunet had frozen up a lot less frequently, and Caleb seemed to enjoy the easy access to Morgyn’s butt.

It came from all those fucking stairs in magic realm, Morgyn swore it.

“No,” Caleb answered softly. “I was going to check in on Lilith, at least, make sure she’s doing okay, but she’s probably back in Forgotten Hollow doing queenly things.”

“Queenly things?” Morgyn asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Elle and Inna decided she’s queen of Forgotten Hollow,” Caleb answered, his eyes rolling. “Can’t say why, Lilith mostly ignores it, but it has a nice ring to it I guess.”

Whatever made them happy, or something. “Sorry about last night,” Morgyn said.

“Why?” Caleb asked, looking over at the brunet.

“I fell asleep on you right after,” Morgyn answered. “Must’ve been pretty boring for you.”

“Not at all,” Caleb answered. “I’m just glad you got longer than an hour or two of sleep. I kind of drifted in and out of myself. Still sort of recovering from the fight with Sarnai.”

Yeah, Morgyn supposed he might be. The sage didn’t really think about it, preferred not to, more like. There was too much going on right now, too much for Morgyn to process at once. The brunet had at least managed to get switched onto online classes, and running into either of the attackers from that night Morgyn liked to forget had ever happened was slim to nil.

Morgyn still hadn’t told anyone about it. Simeon and L had guessed as much, and Morgyn thought Caleb had, too, but of course they did. They all knew the brunet too well not to. None of them had asked. Caleb hadn’t even asked for confirmation to speak of, and Morgyn wasn’t sure how to take that one.

Did he just not want to know? Or was it worse than that? Caleb had issues with Morgyn’s job before, it wasn’t too strange to think that he’d have a problem with that. But it wasn’t like Morgyn had chosen that, it wasn’t the same thing, was it?

Maybe it was. Morgyn was a two hundred year old master of destruction, for fucks’ sake, the brunet should’ve been able to handle that. But no. Morgyn had needed Liberty to do it, instead. How pathetic.

Of course, Morgyn didn’t ask, didn’t say anything. If Caleb wasn’t going to bring it up, then, maybe Morgyn shouldn’t, either. Things were peaceful now, and if one more thing went wrong, well, maybe Morgyn wouldn’t be able to handle that. Especially not when the thing that went wrong would likely be the brunet’s relationship with Caleb, and Morgyn needed him now more than ever before.

“Even if Ezio survives this,” Morgyn said softly, “I don’t think this’ll be the end of it. And maybe it won’t be the last time Ezio does something this stupid.”

Caleb released a breath. “Maybe not,” he answered. “Unless this leaves Ezio more disabled than he was before, I guess.”

If things were worse, after this, Morgyn wasn’t sure that was the kind of life the brunet wanted him to live. And that, too, was Morgyn’s fault. That it was either dying, or not really getting a life at all. Because if Morgyn had just listened to him, if the brunet hadn’t blocked out everything that spoke against Aine at all, would things have progressed this far?

Couldn’t something have been done for him long before it came to this? Even if nothing Morgyn did stopped it from happening in the first place, there had to be something they could’ve done about it. Maybe Morgyn just wanted someone to blame and why not, it wasn’t like literally everything else wasn’t Morgyn’s fault, but it felt like there were answers that were there, if Morgyn hadn’t denied there was a problem in the first place.

And that, too, only Liberty knew. Because Morgyn couldn’t find the words, couldn’t manage saying them. It made it more real, harder to deny. It was interesting, being incapable of letting it go and also trying so hard to deny it all at once.

Well, that was a very Morgyn-reaction, wasn’t it?

Quietly, Morgyn hummed a song, the hand resting on Caleb’s chest idly tracing random patterns on his skin. It was something else to think about, sitting here with him, than better than pacing around incessantly in the hospital. It took some work to get Morgyn to leave Ezio in the first place, but it wasn’t like staying there was going to make Ezio suddenly wake up and be okay.

“You know,” Caleb said quietly, “you’ve got a beautiful voice.”

Morgyn blinked, head tilting back to look up at him, the song cutting off. “No I don’t,” Morgyn said. “But thank you anyway.”

“No, I mean it,” Caleb said. “I always thought that. If you ever got into music, I bet you’d be good at it.”

Morgyn snorted. “That’s your thing, not mine,” Morgyn answered. “This is for church. It’s a miracle I can even hold a tune at all. I’ve not got the talent for music you do.”

“Singing is and isn’t a musical talent,” Caleb said. “And anyone can be good at it with enough practise. You’ve at least got the way with people, Morgyn, wow you could charm half the world if someone gave you a stage for long enough.”

Morgyn’s head shook. “Maybe,” Morgyn allowed. But it didn’t matter right this second. It wasn’t like Morgyn was going to do anything with it.

And then, Morgyn realised, Caleb had just roundabout suggested a job that wasn’t prostitution. Morgyn blinked, and then sat up to look at him in something like bewilderment.

“What?” Caleb asked, tilting his head.

Nothing… everything. Morgyn didn’t really know. That was exactly what Morgyn had always hoped he’d do, though the brunet didn’t realise it until Liberty did it first, but it’d still happened, and Morgyn wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

“Is it really that hard to believe?” Caleb asked. “Here.” Caleb reached over to the side table, grabbing his phone and tapping on it. Then, he sat up, setting his phone down on the bed and started tapping it; the sounds of a piano came out of it when each tap. Morgyn recognised the song, at least.

“Try it,” Caleb said. “You know this one.”

Yeah, Morgyn did know this one. Morgyn didn’t look so sure about it, but as Caleb kept playing, eventually, Morgyn started singing the lyrics.

“But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness, like a heartbeat, drives you mad…”

* * *

“There you are,” L’s voice carried over the slight din of the hospital, as she made her way over to Morgyn with her arms already out. “Come here.”

Morgyn hardly had a choice with that one, as the moment the brunet turned around, L was hugging the younger sage. Not that Morgyn really minded it. She did give the best hugs.

“I brought chocolate,” L said, handing Morgyn a stack of chocolate bars (some of them had caramel in). “I just got a variety, you can share with Cassandra. So? How is he doing?”

Morgyn blinked, and then glanced down at the floor.

“I’m sorry Morgyn,” L said.

“It is what it is,” Morgyn said, looking up at her. “He knew what he was doing when he did it. And he is still alive, at least. He may still pull through this.”

Morgyn still didn’t truly believe it, but it was easier to believe it than it was to mope around and be sad. Nothing ever really got done that way, anyway.

“I think he definitely can,” L said, “as long as you believe in it. He can do a lot of things for you, you know.”

It definitely seemed that way, didn’t it? Morgyn tried not to think about it too hard. Maybe there was a magic to it, of some kind. Most of magic was just believing in something hard enough, or at least it seemed that way. There was a science behind it too, the same way there was a science behind why Morgyn couldn’t just magic Ezio better.

Things like this, they were more delicate than just fixing whatever it is. Morgyn had a habit, as a younger, less skilled caster, of getting killed through magical mishap, and these were easy enough to fix. Ezio had even mastered the damned potion to do it with, and they had stock on-hand for when Morgyn had done something stupid again. Sometimes, Ezio needed to use that stock, too. Far less frequently, to be sure.

But this was different. Ezio’s body was failing, rather than it being an accident. You undo the accident, then there was no more death. The body kept going. But when it was the body itself that was the problem, that was trickier to fix. Sure, Morgyn could just kill Ezio now and then use a potion to bring him back.

He’d be alive; and he’d still be dying. Because it would fix the being dead part, but not necessarily the reasons why. With things like old age, you’d get maybe another day or two, and then they’d be gone again, and it was questionable if it was even worth it.

Theoretically, one could find another body to put him in, but that got into necromancy territory, and for whatever reason, Ezio was always adamant that wasn’t a solution, even a temporary one. If Morgyn was a necromancer too, it’d be about now that the brunet was experimenting with Duplicato to see if it was possible to house him in one of Morgyn’s copies. Admittedly they were temporary, but Morgyn had made them last for an impressive amount of time before. Surely making them permanent wasn’t that far off.

Morgyn decided not to say any of that. Instead, the brunet just wordlessly held out the hand that had the engagement ring on it.

L looked confused for a moment, but then looked down at it and gasped. “Oh, wait Morgyn,” she said. “Is this…? Are you and Caleb finally…?”

Morgyn nodded.

L screamed quietly under her breath. “Oh my god, is this morganite?”

Morgyn snorted. “Of course it is,” the brunet answered. “Morganite and diamond, he said.”

“Oh wow,” L said, reaching over to get a better look at the ring. “It’s beautiful,” she said.

“Yeah,” Morgyn answered. “I think it’s the only pink coloured thing I’ve ever liked in my life.” Don’t tell Caleb that, but Morgyn didn’t terribly care for pink. This was different. This was way very much different.

“It looks good on you,” L said, winking. “When’s the wedding? Are you just figuring that out later?”

“We haven’t really had the time to talk about it, yeah,” Morgyn answered. “But if you’d be willing, I’d be very happy if you’d be my maid of honour.”

“Oh honey,” L said, “of course I will! I’d be happy to.”

Morgyn smiled, and then the expression dropped, along with Morgyn’s eyes, which cast to the floor. “And, if Ezio doesn’t make it,” Morgyn said, “I’d like you to give me away, too.”

L fell quiet. Then, she reached up and tilted Morgyn’s head up to look at her. “I would be honoured to do that, too,” she said. “But Ezio’s going to make it.”

Morgyn smiled slightly, and didn’t argue. L was clairvoyant, from time to time. Usually not directly, but she had the gift at least, and sometimes what she said came true. Maybe Morgyn just needed to believe in L.

“L,” Morgyn started, “there’s another problem that I think maybe only you can help me with.”

“What’s that?” L asked.

“Some things about magic realm and the All aren’t adding up,” Morgyn said.

L loosed a derisive snort. “I’m quite sure they’re not.”

“I won’t ask you to give me the answers,” Morgyn said. “That’s certainly not your style. I just need to know where to look for them.”

L tilted her head. “I remember Keisha saying a lot of things that didn’t make sense either. Well, you know you may not be able to find these answers right now, and maybe it’s not a good idea to be digging around in magic realm’s history just now.”

Morgyn’s gaze steeled. “Magic realm’s history just about fucking killed my brother,” Morgyn said. “I think now’s a great time to go looking for answers.”

L smiled. “There’s Morgyn Ember,” she said. “Keisha has a collection of books in magic realm, you remember the one. I’d say starting with those would be your best bet.”

* * *

Sometimes, the beeping was calming. So long as the little machine was still beeping in its regular, rhythmic pattern, it meant Ezio was still breathing, still alive. Other times, the rhythmic beeping just about drove him nuts, less like a reassurance and more like a constant screaming that something was wrong.

It wasn’t that one or the other of these things was somehow strange a thing to feel. It was that, his mind couldn’t seem to figure out which way he was going to feel about all this. Like it wasn’t hard enough, just facing every day watching Ezio lie there, barely hanging on.

He’d thought before now, even, that maybe it was unfair to want to keep him here so much that he’d be here, breathing but not really in there. Well, it so happened Drake was a selfish person sometimes, and though he may think it from time to time, he couldn’t find it in him to change anything, either. Because he’d never reach a point where he was ready to say goodbye to him, to lose the only thing in his life that’d made everything worth it.

He stayed out of the way. By now, he’d gotten a chair moved into Ezio’s room, in the room but out of everyone else’s way (Morgyn and Cassandra both came and went, and Lilith had been in there a few times too), and he wrote all day and all night. Sometimes the nurses that came to check on him and look at the readouts and the charts, checking for abnormalities, they gave him strange looks, so he pretended to sleep if it was late enough at night.

Troi had brought him a plasma pack the day before. She seemed to have figured it out, but Ezio did mention he’d turned one of their friends to save his life out on the street once. Ezio wasn’t even a vampire and was already incidentally making himself a nice sized vampire clan. (He did realise this, right? Drake wasn’t telling him.) Drake had almost started to argue with her about the plasma packs, but then decided maybe arguing with her was an exercise in futility. Ezio attracted the most stubborn people. They needed to be stubborn, or they’d never get anywhere with him.

It was interesting, because he’d noticed that Ezio was that stubborn-all Embers seemed to be-but he was never terribly stubborn with Drake. Sure, there were things he wouldn’t budge on, but most of the time, they’d talk about it, and Ezio would change his mind, if it meant enough to Drake that he did. He’d never let himself think that Ezio did that because it was him. It wasn’t as if Drake was a terribly special person. But once in a while, things Ezio did, the things he said, they all made him almost wonder if maybe Drake was special to Ezio. It kind of felt like that, from time to time.

Drake set his notebook down on the table, tossing the pen on top. The beeping still kept going. Today, Drake found it comforting, instead of annoying, at least. He’d only been here a few days, but he hadn’t made much improvement at all. Ezio was still weaker than Drake had ever felt him be before. His heart kept fluttering off and on, but it’d level back out again shortly after, and then Drake’s had to remember how to work again.

Ezio hadn’t had his hair so long since they were teenagers. He’d started cutting it, in France, sometime after he’d turned twenty. Jean didn’t seem to care one way or another, but it was something of a gamble to cut it in the first place. He could’ve taken it rather badly, and it was fortunate that he didn’t. Ever since then, his hair had stayed fairly short, though it still had the waves of almost-curl to it even that short.

He looked so much younger, now, with it longer again, and somehow so much older, too. Drake liked his hair longer. There was more to play with. But it was Ezio’s choice, what he did with his hair, so Drake had never said anything one way or another about it. He liked it either way. Idly, Drake reached over and brushed some of the blackened strands back. Strangely, he missed Ezio’s eyes.

It wasn’t like Drake was going to get anything done right now. So, instead, Drake reached over and took one of Ezio’s hands in his, still idly playing with some of his hair, listening to his soft breaths mingle with the beeping. Thinking of it, Drake thought he was getting weaker, and then pushed that thought away because he didn’t want to think of it. It’d only been a few days. Things like this, they took time, didn’t they? Drake didn’t know how much.

It felt like should be getting at least a little better by this point. Maybe Drake was just being impatient.

Mostly, Drake stayed quiet, because he didn’t know what else to do with all these emotions he had. He knew a lot of it was fear. The fear that Ezio wouldn’t make it, that this would be the end of it, the fear that even if he did make it, he’d start getting worse after this.

There were a lot of treatments and options available, some of which were experimental, but they just didn’t have the funds to try most of them. Drake had never hated his books’ lack of commercial success so much, but he also didn’t have the ruthlessness that was required to push a book that didn’t take off all on its own.

Gently, Drake brushed a finger against Ezio’s cheekbone. “I’m not ready to lose you,” he said quietly. “But to be honest with you, I don’t think I ever will be.”

He moved around, pulling his seat closer, and then laid his head against Ezio’s chest, listening to his heart flutter around in there. More than he’d ever wished for anything, he wished that little fluttering thing in there would get stronger.

And he missed it, when a lone tear escaped and slipped down Ezio’s cheek.

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