Eisenstern 1.10
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I never know what to say in these things. Life goes as it always does.
Bryn gets a little bigger every day. She’s growing fast, and yet not fast at all. I work a lot now, so I’m barely home. Some part of me will always feel bad about that, but it’s important to be able to keep the house running financially. Maybe it’s not an ideal arrangement, but it’s not as if we come from an ideal start, either.
Likely, I could’ve made this whole situation much easier on myself by using magic, but there’s a certain measure of pride in succeeding without things like magic. Morgyn doesn’t understand it, but of course, I wouldn’t imagine the dolt would. Truthfully, half the time I barely understand it. I just know that I’m happier about success that I reach by my own merit, rather than by magic.
Maybe that’s weird. Maybe I’m the weird one.
It’s not like Drake hasn’t offered to learn to cook, but, I don’t really want to put that burden on him either. It’s not really his to be concerned about. Then, neither is Bryn, and he’s still rather happily looking after her while I’m working. It’s almost like he’s her father, and not Sergio. Haven’t seen Sergio in quite some time now, but truth be told, yeah, I still wasn’t expecting much of him.
He may like me, sure, but he still doesn’t care for kids that much. Understandable I guess. They do tend to present interesting challenges.
In any case, around my busy work schedule, I somehow manage to find the time to make meals. I could just conjure food, too, but this is another one of those situations where I’m more pleased with the outcome if I do it myself. Besides, who knows what exactly magic makes conjured food from? For all I know, it’s a really good illusion cast on grubs or something.
No, I think I’d much rather be absolutely sure what my daughter’s eating, thank you.
Drake and I are still doing fairly well. Neither of us felt the need to rush into anything, so we’re progressing perhaps a little slower than some romances might. I prefer it that way. Between his writing and my engineering, we don’t have a whole lot of time to devote just to each other anyway, though I’d like for that to be different.
Things like whether we’ll get married or not have crossed my mind here and there, but it just doesn’t seem to be the right time. Maybe I’m overthinking things. My relationship with Sergio moved far too quickly, and went and crashed and burned, and I’m certainly not interested in dealing with that kind of disappointment again.
Ah. I see. I’m afraid of getting hurt. Well, I suppose that makes an unbelievable amount of sense.
Occasionally, Bryn will decide to mimic the cat. Though, judging by the motions and the noises she makes, I’m not entirely sure if she’s trying to mimic the cat, or a dog. (Has she ever seen a dog? Maybe in one of those children’s books Drake reads to her.)
Diaval always looks quite perplexed at her mimicry. Most likely because it’s really nothing like him and doesn’t make any sense to his little kitten mind. He’s never been intolerant of her oddities, at least, and I do have to admit, the hopping around and attempting to purr is pretty cute.
I still worry whether she’s getting a good upbringing, maybe too much. And I worry whether Drake and I are enough. If I’m enough.
The silly goof has developed an interesting habit of dancing around after baths. This is somewhat of a vexing habit, given she’s not exactly a graceful swan just yet and occasionally gets herself dirty all over again. But it seems to be fun for her, and I can’t tell her not to do it.
Besides, maybe with enough dancing around, she’ll stop falling into things.
Though the time I have with them is limited, we still find moments where we can sit and talk. I’ve also noticed that Diaval tends to follow Bryn around the house, a trait I’m pleased to see he’s developed. After all, when it’s time, Diaval will be perhaps her cat, and then her grandchild’s.
It’s strange to think ahead towards the future. I have a difficult enough time keeping myself in the right now, and the future seems like such a nebulous, overwhelming thing. It’s probably best that I’m far too busy to think about the future too hard.
I’m doing very well at work. Though I’m not making quite as much as I’d hoped I would be by now, it’s still a very impressive amount of money, and I’ve been given many opportunities to work from home. The tasks at home aren’t much different from the ones in the office, so I’m certainly rather grateful for the opportunity to spend a little more time with Drake and Bryn.
I’m not very good at expressing myself, and two year olds aren’t very good at understanding certain kinds of expression, but I’m giving it my best. How do I tell them how much they mean to me without using those words? I wonder that a lot. I haven’t found an answer, not yet. But I can’t imagine my life without either one.
Maybe I wasn’t quite ready for Bryn yet, and maybe I’ve been a little more hesitant with Drake than I could’ve been, but I love them both, very much. I just hope that they know that.
Recently, I’d noticed some very familiar changes and quirks had appeared again. It took a little bit of convincing myself that I wasn’t imagining things, but then I did a test or two (maybe five), and, my hunch was right.
Drake and I are expecting our first child together. And I don’t know how to feel about that. Of course, I’m happy enough to be a dad, even if there are times when I feel like the worst one in the world. But my workload isn’t looking to let up anytime soon, and I don’t want to miss Bryn’s childhood, let alone this baby’s.
I’ve been seriously considering trying to find something else to do for a living. Now that we’re financially stable, maybe it wouldn’t hurt us too much. My paintings always did sell for a decent amount of money, too, but I spent a lot of time and resources on getting my degree. It seems silly to waste it, but I also didn’t expect to end up in the particular situation I’m in right now, either.
And to make matters even better, I have to go through pregnancy again. Let’s hope I don’t turn out as bitchy as I was last time. Or my coworkers might actually attempt to mutiny.
At least Diaval doesn’t come with pressures. He likes to follow me to work, but I’ve had to lock the door on him more than once. He’s a kitten, he can’t handle the hustle and bustle of the office very well, particularly given my work isn’t entirely an office job.
He always seems a little upset about that, but it’s for his own good. And a little bit of playing with the laser seems to perk him right up, too.
In the meanwhile, I’m still making slow, but steady, progress in my magical studies. I’m still not quite to the level Morgyn is at, but I guess I’m not really aiming for Morgyn anyway. Actually, being able to magically fix the toilet when it breaks and clean the litter box might be nice enough.
Geh, when did I become so domestic? I wonder that too. Then, maybe I’ve always been domestic, and it’s just that it’s never had the opportunity to come out. And as nervous as I am about it, I can’t wait to meet the new baby.
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